Three Reasons you are Killing your Marriage

The common joke on the street is that if you see a happy couple laughing and talking together, then they are not married! The implication of this is that married couples are not a happy people but people often on each other’s throats. The joke is an exaggeration laced with generalization but there is an element of truth to it. It is safe to say that for most marriages if they are not on the rocks, they are definitely not thriving. We become comfortable with marriage relationships that are not growing and basking in the beauty of love and pleasure as God intended for marriage. The goal in marriage becomes a striving for the absence of conflict instead of growth that leads to mutual satisfaction. This is unfortunate and there are three reasons behind it.

A wrong understanding of marriage

In our times, wrong views of marriage abound. They spring from bad examples in the homes, wrong cultural teachings, wrong worldviews and bad examples in the home and on the television. Therefore, by the time a 30-year-old person is marrying, they have all kinds of ungodly and unbiblical worldviews of marriage. And what is worse is that they are often stubborn in their ways and are unteachable. What has gone wrong? To begin with, people do not realise that in marriage you become one. That means you do life together “in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer.” By marrying, you choose and commit to being open and vulnerable to your spouse. No secrets, no holding back and no privacy! You are one spiritually, physically, emotionally, financially etc. Furthermore, marriage is a commitment to the other person, with all their faults. It is also a commitment to change for the sake of your marriage and spouse. You cannot choose to marry and continue living like a single person. 

A wrong understanding of love

Love is a concept that needs redeeming. Society has ruined it with its corruption. The love the world preaches is self-serving. You love because of the benefits you get from others. This kind of love only looks out for its benefits. It is temporal and you can fall in and fall out of it anytime you want. Biblical love is the exact opposite. It is a commitment to seek another person’s good, regardless of their unworthiness. It is as Voddie Baucham describes it, “an act of the will accompanied by emotion that leads to action on behalf of its object.” This kind of love pursues after the other, it is dedicated to and finds delight in the recipient. Such love grows and it thrives. The perfect model for this love is Jesus Christ, who gave up his life for people who were hostile to him. This is the love that husband and wife are called to share for their marriage to thrive.

Lack of investment in the marriage

Relationships require hard work! They require enormous effort for them to grow. Marriage is no different. If you see a lovely, godly couple that is basking in love, you have seen two people who are working hard and investing in their marriage. They are working hard to grow as individuals and as a couple. They are learning how to better serve and love their spouse. They are working on the habits and behaviours that their spouse does not appreciate. They are finding ways to demonstrate love. They are also committed to church life together, worshipping and serving together, and investing in friendships with other godly Christian couples. They prioritize platforms and meetings that build their marriage. They are at couples’ meetings, conferences and outings. They also plan and prioritize dates, holidays and fun activities as a couple. They do everything in their power to invest in their spiritual, physical, mental and emotional growth as a couple. They know that failure to invest in marriage is a sure way to kill it.

Conclusion

Marriages done in God’s way are beautiful, enriching and challenging. It requires selfless love and continuous effort to know each other and grow in love. It demands intentionality from the couple to invest in their marriage. Dear Christian couple, make every effort to thrive in your marriage. Review, reevaluate, and pursue one another. Bask in the beauty of love!