THE CHALLENGES OF CROSS-CULTURAL MINISTRY RELATIONSHIPS

Last week, I shared some of the joys of cross-cultural ministry. This week we look at eight challenges that these relationships bring. Again, these are generalisations, and I am fully aware of how delicate and awkward these conversations can be. My prayer is that it can generate some fruitful discussions among those in cross-cultural relationships. 

The Zambians general perception of themselves

The first challenge to cross-cultural relationships and ministry is the general tendency among some Africans to perceive themselves as inferior. This partly springs from viewing the Westerner as the messiah and also as an opportunity for easy money. But it also comes from seeing ourselves as poor and needy and therefore recipients of other people's giving. People with this attitude end up been yes men and men-pleasers. They will do anything as long as they are in the bwana's good books. This makes it extremely difficult to have meaningful relationships with such men. Their default mindset is to be recipients. They receive knowledge and resources, but they never dispense. Hence the relationship becomes one of the horse and rider.

Westerner's general perception of themselves

Conversely, the westerners have a tendency to have a messiah complex. They come in with the mindset that they know everything, and they have the money. As a result, they do not want to learn or admit that they do not know. They somewhere have to be the master and cannot be taught or lead. Even people with zero experience, fresh from the classroom, will portray themselves as masters of the art.

It is no wonder that it is generally very difficult and rare to find a westerner serving under a local. If they do, they are somehow pulling strings in the background. The moment you do not do their bidding, they leave. The African's inferiority complex and the Westerner's superiority complex combine to present an extremely difficult challenge to develop relationships cross-culturally.

The establishment of personal kingdoms

The modern-day mission's philosophy seems to be, do as many things as you can manage in the shortest possible time. Massive projects, glamorous programs and a lot of salvation testimonies. This creates a temptation for many to produce results like yesterday. This often leads to treating people like projects to pursue and accomplish. However, meaningful discipleship relationships do not work like that. You cannot build meaningful relationships overnight. This takes time, but if you are pressed for time, you will settle for projects and programs with shallow and superficial relationships. The sad result is Africans and westerners end up uniting to simply accomplish projects, and those relationships end with the projects.

Navigating different cultural practices

One of the challenges missionaries have faced throughout the history of missions is resisting the temptation to present Christianity in the form of their culture. It is common for a western missionary to copy and paste the traditions and practices of their church in South Carolina or Dublin and present it as the biblical way. What that does is that it then pits the western culture versus the African culture. Therefore, anything African is not Christian and anything western is Christian. Sadly, most Africans will not challenge such faulty reasoning openly, they will simply live double lives and express anger privately. Trying to equate Christianity to western culture is, in the

long run, a hindrance to thoughtful Africans as they can see through the inconsistencies. 

Lack of transparency with money issues

This is a hard and touchy one. The accountability model, in such cases, is one way. The westerners will demand accountability from the Africans who work under them on how the money is used but the African cannot hold the Westerner accountable. So you find that the western missionary will be working closely with African colleagues, but only he knows the nitty grits and working with him is working for him. And as such if a missionary leaves, so does the money. The how much came, from where and who is top secret. Not all the cards are laid on the table even in the context of co-labourers.

 

But there is also the African challenge, where honesty and integrity in the handling of money are sadly missing. The misuse of funds and the desire for selfish gain is prevalent. Further, it is common to find Africans who are not willing to give and simply want to be on the receiving. This creates a rather unhealthy dependency syndrome.

Challenge of insincere relationships

One of the toughest challenges in a cross-cultural ministry relationship is that of developing a meaningful relationship. Such relationships will require a lot of humility and a willingness to learn and understand. Unfortunately, pride stands in the way, and most people regardless of their cultural background, struggle to open up and be vulnerable. It is not uncommon to find western missionaries live in an area for a long time and not develop meaningful relationships with the locals and the same is true of locals who will work with westerners but only pursue superficial relationships with them. This always creates a barrier and a gap which with the passing of time seems impossible to bridge. 

Wrong perceptions & stereotypes

Perceptions and stereotypes abound in cross-cultural relationships. Some may be real or have elements of truth, but most are generally false and over generalisations. Working through these requires honest and often awkward conversations taking place. Building trust and pursuing biblical loving relationships. The challenge of perceptions and stereotypes is that you may live with people and never really know what and how they think about you and then worse still, it takes years to undo perceptions.

Differing standards of living

One awkward reality when serving in a cross-cultural ministry is that they will generally be a massive difference in the standard of living between the locals and the westerners. Those who raise support from outside will always be able to afford things that the locals cannot. That in itself is perfectly fine and understandable. However, it presents a potential challenge that, unfortunately, most people do not know how to handle. Some will try to pretend that it does not exist. Others will grow bitter and frustrated. Others have tried to create equality with mixed results.  However, one chooses to handle it, this is a reality. And ignoring it does not mean it does not exist.

In bible school, our lecturers will often talk about suffering in ministry and how that means that you usually live below the standards of living. Which was perfectly sound and biblical advise. The only problem is that our lecturers had better and bigger cars and lived in the best homes in the community! Now I am not for a moment suggesting they lived extravagantly nor been insincere. It is just so happened that they had higher standards of living based on their income. That is a reality you have to grapple with in cross-cultural ministry relationships. 

Conclusion

One could go on to highlight many other challenges. In many ways, how people handle these challenges will come down to how Christ-like they are. These relationships give an opportunity for the fruit of the spirit to be evident. Because to relate and serve with and alongside brethren from another cultural setting requires love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control.

The Joys of Cross-Cultural Ministry Relationships

A year ago, I was asked to write an article about cross-cultural ministry and relationships (yes, it took that long!). Realising both the importance and delicate nature of such a discussion, my wife and I met up with two dear families that we have the privilege of serving with and calling friends. The two are American families serving in Zambia, and we figured it would be good to get their perspective on the joys and challenges of serving in a cross-cultural setup, while giving them ours. The thoughts you will find in the next two articles are a product of that discussion. I will attempt to address the joys and end with the challenges in the following write up.

Cross-cultural ministry relationships display the beauty of unity in diversity. 

From the inception of the church, unity was to be pursued amid diversity. The Jews were not called to establish Jewish Baptist Church nor the Gentiles to establish Gentile Evangelical Church. They were to become one body and one family in Christ and live and work together in harmony. In many ways, cross-cultural ministry presents people with an excellent opportunity to display their oneness in Christ even amid great cultural diversity. There is something remarkable about people who have naturally have reason working together, developing genuine loving relationships and uniting for the cause of Jesus.

Cross-cultural ministry relationships help prevent cultural Christianity 

The opposite of unity in diversity is cultural Christianity. It is behavioural and merely outward. It is conformity rather than transforming. It is the pursuit of sameness rather than unity. This is a version of Christianity that knowingly or unknowingly becomes a product of its culture and tradition. The end result of such Christianity is that everyone acts the same. Diversity is frowned upon. They want everyone to comb their hair the same, to have the same taste in music and have the same taste of fashion, etc. This kind of Christianity is big on building camps and kingdoms. They are quick to highlight and point out those who are different and usually anything different is viewed with suspicion. Developing cross-cultural ministry relationships helps you to differentiate between merely cultural norms and actual biblical mandates.

Cross-cultural ministry relationships build a mutual partnership. 

Building meaningful cross-cultural relationships that are founded on oneness in Christ will lead to mutual partnerships in ministry. People will see each other as brothers and sisters who are called to build each other in the most holy faith. It is not the relationship of the horse and the rider, no superiority or inferiority complexes. It is not a one-way relationship where one group of people does the teaching, and a different group of people does the learning. It causes people to see each other as partners in the harvest. It causes people to realise that the plans and kingdom of God are bigger than them and their little region, and they get to play a part in the grand scheme of God’s eternal plans.

Cross-cultural ministry relationships produce rounded mature believers

There is something about knowing and relating to people from a different cultural background that helps you think through issues in a different light. As one learns of the different situations and ways of thinking of different people. As you learn and see the different issues from other people’s point of view and learn the different challenges different people face, it gives a deeper appreciation of what God is doing in His church. In some ways, it also helps you understand some cultural aspects of Scripture. One brother mentioned how coming to Zambia helped him develop an understanding of certain portions of Scripture, such as the mourning process in the book of Job and the gospel accounts of Jesus being pressed by a crowd. Attending an African funeral and going to one of the big open markets gave him a visible illustration of those passages of Scripture.

Cross-cultural ministry helps raise children with a balanced view of life and the church

Children raised in a culturally diverse church or context tend to have a broader or balanced outlook on the world and Christianity. The exposure to different ways of life and seeing the application of biblical truth in a diverse group of people will often prevent them from narrow-mindedness. When they observe the unity amid diversity, they grow up to appreciate and even embrace diversity. Is it any wonder that children raised on the mission field often struggle to identify with both the country of origin and the country they grew up in. That is, in many ways, an illustration of how cross-cultural relationships can shape one’s perspective of their lives, the church and their world.

Conclusion

Cross-cultural ministry presents many blessings. It gives a foretaste of glory divine when all tongues, tribes and nations will gather and worship the lamb who was slain. It provides a powerful opportunity for God’s people to display the love and unity of Christ before a watching and bemused world at this anomaly of unity amid diversity.

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Five Popular but Unbiblical marriage counsel in Zambia

When a couple is on the verge of a wedding, a lot of preparation goes into the big day. Top on the list is the various forms of formal and informal counselling. People are generous with their counsel, whether solicited or not. In many ways, it is a blessing to be loaded with counsel from other people's experience. That said, some of the counsel that is given is shallow and outright unbiblical but sadly popular. Here are five pieces of advice a bride and groom are most likely to hear that should not be entertained.

1. The man's unfaithfulness does not break the marriage.

This is, in fact, a proverb in one of our local languages "Ubuchende bwamwaume tabutoba ng' anda

". Young women are, in essence, taught to expect their husbands to be unfaithful. This starts off the marriage on high levels of mistrust. 'A man is a man' some would say. This thinking is straight from the pit of hell. The marriage bed must be undefiled and kept holy. It speaks to the moral decay of society when unfaithfulness is not only expected but also encouraged.

2. The wife keeps a marriage.

In our culture, the woman is blamed for a failed marriage and a broken home. This kind of thinking begun in Genesis 3 when Satan usurped the man's responsibility in the marriage. By approaching Eve, Satan was making a subtle but deadly move to ignore Adam, the husband. Thankfully, God calls out Adam and squarely places the responsibility where it lies, in the man. Headship is equal to responsibility. A failed marriage and a broken home is a reflection on the man's leadership.

3. People can steal your spouse.

This is often a warning to young women to be wary of female siblings, friends, house helps and her husband's female workmates because they can snatch or steal your spouse. The problem with such a line of thinking is that it strips the man of any form of responsibility. It portrays him as an innocent person who for some strange reason, is powerless to the aura of anyone in a skirt! A grown man cannot be stolen unless of course he is kidnapped at gunpoint! A man or woman who falls into a sexual affair does so willingly[1].

4. A marriage cannot succeed without traditional counselling. 

This is a hot issue in most churches and among Christians. The general thinking is that a marriage cannot work or succeed without the couple undergoing traditional counselling. It is, therefore, sadly common to find Christian parents find non-believers to teach and prepare their children for marriage. In a way, that is a Christian parent saying to the world; I am not equipped to prepare my child for marriage. However, dear Christian parent, marriage is God's idea, and He has laid it out in His word for us. The scriptures are sufficient.

5. Oneness only refers to sex.

Our traditional counselling can be explicitly sexual. Besides, the common reason for marrying seems to be sexual satisfaction. Therefore, the understanding of oneness seems to be primarily physical while emotional, spiritual and mental oneness is not encouraged. Now while it is true that sexual union in marriage is a blessing oneness is broader than just physical union. An overemphasis of the physical union to the neglect of the other aspects leads to frustration and joylessly going through the motions of the marriage relationship.

Conclusion

I am convinced that these and many other popular but unbiblical counsels of marriage have contributed to a very negative view of this most wonderful of unions. Marriage requires work and effort, but it is not meant to be a chore. It should be built on the truth of God's word if it is to be a blessing to those who enter into it lawfully and willingly.

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[1]               This, of course, excludes rape and defilement victims.

Dear Christian Do Not Mock Single People

Mockery is a vice that is fun to dish out but terrible to be a recipient of. The dictionary defines mockery as “teasing and contemptuous language or behaviour directed at a particular person or thing.” Granted there is a place for good old banter among friends so that we can laugh at our folly and idiosyncrasies. There is, however, a rather unhealthy form of mockery that belittles others and is not in the spirit of love. Unloving mockery is common even among believers and is targeted at particular groups of people. I intend to show in the next three blogs how we who are in the church are guilty of being unloving by mocking particular groups of people. The first group of people who are victims of our mockery are singles.

In Zambian culture, marriage is sacred and highly honoured. Children are from birth raised with marriage as the ultimate goal and rightly so. Marriage is God-ordained and is an honourable thing. In our culture, however, we not only expect you to be married, we demand it! Marriage has social, economic and religious implications. The marriage of an individual brings honour to the entire family, and the lack of it brings shame. We have no place for singles who want to remain single. If an individual becomes of age and they are not getting married, the conclusion is they either have severe problems, or they are promiscuous. There may be other conclusions, but whatever the case, we conclude that something is wrong with that individual. Here are a few ways in which the church mocks single people.

We assume a single person is inferior to a married person

One of the common phrases and misconceptions about marriage is that your spouse completes you.  And therefore, single people are incomplete. We quickly run to Genesis, where God says it is not good for the man to be alone (Gen. 2:18). Now depending on how you use that phrase it is correct. Adam did not have the companionship he needed and desired. However, that does not mean that  Adam was not perfectly complete to live a joyful life that carries out God’s purposes. The Bible tells us that those who are in Christ are complete in Him (Col 2:8-10). The notion that married people are complete comes from the false premise that marriage will solve all your problems, make you a better person, and make you happy.

Consequently, people go into marriage with all these false assumptions and end up with false expectations of their spouse. If a person is not happy, the problem is not their marital status; it’s their walk with God. Those who walk with the Lord learn to be joyfully content in whatever state they are in, be it single or married. It is because of such false notions about marriage that we expect our spouses to satisfy us in ways only God can.

We add marriage to the qualification of church officers 

It is common for churches to demand that a person be married to be considered for a church office. Now there is obvious wisdom in preferring a married person to serve in the office of pastor or deacon, but it should be stated as exactly that, a preference! It is not a biblical requirement. Churches even place marital status before godly character and in the process many biblically qualified singles have been overlooked on account of their status. The qualifications to the offices of deacon and pastor (elder, bishop, these terms refer to the same office) are stated for us in the Bible and marriage is not one of them. Demanding marriage as a qualification is adding to the Scriptures.

Many of us would have issues with the Apostle Paul’s view of singles in the church and their service to God. He says singles are free from relational worries and distractions that marriage brings and have the gift and opportunity to spontaneously serve the Lord with undivided commitment (1 Cor. 7:32-35). Paul is no way suggests marriage is not honourable; he is merely acknowledging that while it is a good thing, a high calling ordained by God, it is also a demanding calling.  

We assume married people are wiser and more responsible 

When discussing matters of importance, it is a common consensus that singles must keep quiet and listen. When advice is sought on issues or responsibilities need to be taken up, the married almost always take the first precedence. Now that in itself is not necessarily wrong, and you cannot deny the fact that people who are married and manage homes have generally speaking picked up a level of know-how that one who is single may not have. The problem is when we deliberately mock people and their ideas on account of their singleness. And treating them like they are less of a Christian by been single. 

If we are all honest, some married people are not wise neither are they responsible. It is illogical to assume that a change in marital status will make a person more sensible and more responsible. There are plenty of examples of people who have entered marriage, and their irresponsibility and foolishness got worse after the wedding. And yet there are quite some people who are single and however are wise and responsible. The reason this is possible is that biblical wisdom comes from above and is evidenced by righteous living (James 3: 15-18, Psalm 1).

We need to remember that God designed the church so that every member may play their role to build up the body regardless of their marital status. Married people have a lot to teach single people, and at the same, the married have a lot to learn from the singles as well.

This mockery of people who are in a different phase of life than us reveals a great seated pride that refuses to acknowledge God’s grace for who we are and thank Him for what He is doing in other people’s lives. As a result, you will have married people in the church who fail to see the singles as fellow workers for the cause of the gospel and partner with them in discipleship relationships to the glory of God.

We should thank God for His wisdom in not making the church just full of married people or just full of single people. He designed to have both the married and the single, the young and old and there is beauty to that picture. We should encourage people to make the most of their season in life for the cause of Christ and to the glory of God. Dear single people do not waste your singleness.