PARENTS, PLEASE DON’T LIE TO YOUR KIDS

Note: The blog was down for two months but we are back in business, look out for something every Thursday. This article was written by my wife Kunda, who is a far better writer than I am, so enjoy!

A few times I have noticed, especially when a child is being disobedient, that people try to make the

child do the right thing by scaring them. This fear is more often than not instilled by telling the child

a lie. My daughter has often been a victim of this, three occasions come to mind;

 First was when she kept opening a drawer in the kitchen that holds most of my baking utensils. She would take my stuff out of the drawer and leave it all over the house. As is the way of these things, we all got tired of picking up after her. We had some people staying with us at the time and this time when she attempted to open the drawer again our guests caught her and one of them said to her, “Don’t open that! There are bugs in there!” did it work? Yes. It stopped her right in her tracks.

The second time I remember, I overheard someone saying to her, “Don’t do that if you do I’ll tell that spider to eat you!” to this day my husband has to check for spiders in any room. If she does see a spider, Daddy has to sort it out.

On the third occasion, a dear lady who had been visiting our house was leaving and my daughter so desperately wanted to go with her. The lady looked at my child and said, “Go and get your shoes so we can go together.” My poor baby ran to her bedroom, got her shoes and ran back out but the lady had gone.

I can think of a few other times people have said such things to my Daughter but I think these examples will suffice. Telling a child that an insect or dog or anything that scares them for that matter will do them harm in order to get the desired behaviour is quite common in Zambia. Other cultures have their own lies, for instance, I once read about a woman who would tell her toddler that if she didn’t brush her teeth before bed the tooth fairy would come and take them all (really??).

It seems it doesn’t take much for some adults to lie to a child. The lie is swift and often quite effective. Unfortunately, I have found that it takes a longer time to undo the damage, and guess what? Usually, Mom and Dad have to undo the mess. People usually don’t take these kinds of lies seriously; after all, they’re only telling it to a child and are getting the desired result right, Wrong!

Lying is a sin. Proverbs 12:22 says “the LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in people who are trustworthy.” Proverbs14:5 says, “An honest witness does not deceive, but a false witness pours out lies.” And oh, what about this one John 8:44, says, “You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father's desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies. Also, Ephesians 4:29 says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” The Bible says so much about lying and it’s never to support it. When you lie to a child for whatever reason, you are sinning against God. God is a God of Truth! Numbers 23:19 says “God is not a man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said and will not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfil it?” and Proverbs 30:5 says, “Every word of God proves true!” God can always be trusted and we ought to emulate this if indeed we believe in him.

The effects of lying are lasting. My daughter may not have the words to fully explain what she feels, but I know that she has been scarred by people lying to her. The telltale signs are that now when I’m going out my daughter asks me if I’m really going to take her with me even when I have told her I am. She has been taught to doubt what I say to her even when I have given her my word. In our home, our word means a lot. When Mom and Dad tell her something or promise her something, so it shall be done. In the event that we fail, we explain ourselves and apologise. Always. Now we have to work on undoing the damage, we have to remind her what our word means despite the lies told to her by others. I have also noticed that she always looks up in the ceiling and corners of the house to make sure that there are no grasshoppers or spiders that by the way do not by any means have the ability to eat an entire human being. What cruelty to cause a child to be needlessly fearful of their surroundings.

We are in essence teaching our children that lying is ok. After a child has been lied to often enough, they begin to think it's ok to say something that isn’t really true. Children grow up thinking; if it's ok for that grown up to say that grasshopper will eat me when in actual fact it will not, then it's ok for me to say, I didn’t take it!” when in actual fact I did! The evidence of this is clear, just look around you. People have perfected the art of lying. Look at all the adults going around lying so effortlessly; That business owner saying an order will be ready on Monday when they know it really won’t, that guy on the bus telling someone on his phone he’s almost there when he knows he’s still a few hours out, that young man telling that girl he loves her when he knows he really doesn’t. What we have in the end is a society of liars. After all, charity begins at home!

 What are we to do in light of all these things? Just don’t lie to kids.

• When you are going out say, “I’m going out and you’re not coming with me, 'so and so' is here to look after you. I will be back.” Sometimes there will be tears and sometimes there will be none.
• Tell them what they can and can’t play with. When there is disobedience take appropriate action.
• Lastly, when you make a promise, keep it. That means you shouldn’t make promises you can’t keep. Also, warn others not to make promises to our children that they do not intend on keeping.

Dear Parents and guardians, as stewards of these young souls, let us always tell our children the truth, even if at that moment it seems inconsequential.