Why We Do Not Encourage Others

We are called to encourage one another. The church should be a fountain flowing with praise and commendation toward one another. A fire not flamed goes out. A relationship devoid of encouragement dies slowly and painfully. A deficiency in encouragement coupled with a surplus of corrections and criticism makes for toxic and rotten relationships. The Bible exhorts us to spur one another to good works through encouragement (Heb. 10:24-25), to protect one another from the deceit of sin by means of encouragement (Heb. 3:13) and to build one another up through exhortation (1 Thess. 5:11). That said, encouragement does not come easily, and here are four reasons why courtesy of our church family zoom discussion.

Not thinking it is important

There are times when we think giving words of praise or commendation is not essential. We assume people know we are grateful for their efforts. We think “they know I appreciate them, and besides, I said it last year!” We need to remember that the Scriptures admonish us to keep encouraging one another. If we are going to be guilty of anything, it should be for over encouraging.

Lack of meaningful relationships

Encouragement and criticism are easier to give and to receive in the context of ongoing meaningful relationships. The absence of such relationships can make giving praise hard and awkward for some. It is, therefore, not surprising that only the people we are close to are the recipients of our praises.

Pride in the recipient

It is painful to give encouragement or commend a proud person. Part of the reason we struggle to urge each other on is that we are already big-headed and full of ourselves. Sometimes this pride is seen in how we struggle to simply and humbly acknowledge commendation from others on some excellent work or virtue in our lives. The recipient’s pride is a hindrance to the ministry of encouragement.

Pride in the encourager

We envy and harbour jealousy because we are self-centred and proud. We do not rejoice when we see some good in others, and we are sad when we see God’s grace in the lives of our neighbours. It is this deep-seated pride that stops us from saying ‘thank you’, ‘that was a good job’, ‘the Lord is using you’, ‘you are talented or gifted’, ‘you are good at this’, ‘you are an encouragement’, ‘you handled that well’, ‘your Christlikeness is a blessing’ etc. Pride would rather, receive the praise, the recognition, the commendation. Pride is too preoccupied with self to see what God is doing in the lives of others.

Commending the grace of God in people and urging those who are following and serving the Lord is an honourable, humbling and yet pleasurable experience. God is not simply working in your life; He is at work in the life of others as well. Take note of that and say it. It is not just good manners; it is building up the body! May we develop reputations for being encouraging.