Five ways you may be destroying your home

The family has been under attack from the very beginning (Gen 3). The devil and the world have always schemed to bring destruction to the homes. The schemes range from gay marriages to feminism to the disregard of parental authority to the normalizing of immorality. While enemies from without are hell bound to destroy the family, the attacks from within are more deadly. And while we should be wary and alert for the enemies attacks, we should be constantly checking to ensure we are not destroying the home from within. Here are the five ways we are in danger of destroying the home.

Absent parents                    

In an ever demanding world, busyness has become the order of the day that parenting Is often neglected. The Lord commands parents to train up children in righteousness. Training or discipleship is done through instruction and by example. That invariably implies that for training to take place time and relationships are of absolute necessity. The temptation many parents face is to get so caught up with life and work that you neglect what matters the most. I.e. parenting your children.

It will not cut for parents to pass on their responsibility to schools, the television or even the church. Parenting is one the greatest stewardship the Lord has given us and whether present or absent we are discipling our children and instilling values in them for good or bad. The parents are the shepherds, teachers, counsellors and protectors to their children. Children are a reflection of their parents.  I recently came across a quote somewhere that caught my attention it said “there is nothing worse than a man who can be everything to everybody else… except for a father to their own child”.

Entertainment addiction

In describing the mindset of most men Jim Berg says;

“… His heart is easily captured by the latest fashions, pop and reality show idols, superheroes, electronic games, sports personalities, junk foods, sexual enticements- both real and virtual, chemical stimulants- both legal and illegal and the crude and sensual humour and violence of the most popular video clips and blockbuster movies. He is easily bored and resists correction. He endures work and school as necessary evils between pursuits of pleasurable experiences offered on the midway of the world’s carnival”   

This sadly is an accurate description of our society. We are addicted to and highly influenced by the entertainment industry that we have lifted it to a place of absolute necessity. Addiction to entertainment in the home is sooner or later reflected in the moral values or lack thereof in the home. The worldview of the entertainment industry becomes the worldview of the home. Add to that a break down in meaningful communication and passivity of the mind and you have yourself a recipe for disaster.

The failure of men

Our culture blames the woman when a home breaks down and while that may be the consensus of society, God sees it differently. In God’s economy, the man is responsible. That is what headship is all about- responsibility. Now, in all honesty, it is not surprising that we place the blame elsewhere as men, after all, that is exactly what our forefather Adam did blame the woman! It is however instructive that God says through Adam (and not Eve) all men sinned (Rom 5:12-17).

Friends make no mistake, the failure of men to lead in the home always leads to its destruction. That is what happened with the Adam family (Genesis 3:1-8). It is the husbands who are tasked with leading and discipling their wives to present them holy and blameless before the Lord (Eph 5:23-32), it is the fathers who are charged with training their children in righteousness (Eph 6:4). When the shepherds of the family fail, the family fails.

The disregard for the church

The church is a safety net. In God’s economy, it is a vehicle through which His purposes are fulfilled. Families need the church. While salvation and membership are individual decisions, it is essential for the spiritual wellbeing of the families that they are healthy members of a local church. At a bare minimum part of training them up in the righteousness implies teaching them and showing them the importance of church membership.

There is a concerning trend today where parents are disregarding church and are not teaching their children the importance of belonging, serving and building relationships with other believers. It is not uncommon today for parents to leave their children at home for church meetings or attend as a whole family all together. This trend has removed the church’s safety net on a lot of families and left them exposed to an unbiblical worldview. This is then seen in the values (or lack thereof) seen in the average Christian home.

A call to do family God’s way

There is, therefore, a real need for Christians to do family God’s way. The moment we reverse or neglect our roles (husband, wife, parents, children), misplace our priorities or refuse to honour God, is the moment we sentence our homes to doom. God instituted the family and he does so with purposes and mandates. That those who are his followers will glorify him by obeying him and serving him as families. So while the world mounts its attacks on the home, let us hear the charge of God in the scriptures. 

The Purpose of Marriage

Knowing the purpose something exists for, helps maintain its value. The opposite is equally true. The moment you lose the purpose of something is the moment it loses its value. Marriage is no different. Tradition can be a dangerous thing and one of its dangers is it makes it easy to lose sight of the importance of things. Marriage is by and large part of our tradition such that it expected that when you reach a certain age you must get married. Hence, people get married for the sake of it. Many, however, have no plan or purpose for their marriage. In fact, it is not an exaggeration to say most couples only plan for their wedding and not their marriage. So I thought it might be helpful to think through what the scriptures say is the purpose of marriage. 

For the purpose of companionship- Genesis 2:23-25

Then the man said, “This, at last, is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman because she was taken out of Man.”Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. 

To show the relationship between Christ and the church- Ephesians 5:23-25

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendour, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. 

To teach and show loving authority- Ephesians 5:25, 32

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendour, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish… This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. 

To teach and live out the truth-  Psalm 78:5-8 & Deuteronomy 6:4-9

He established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a law in Israel,
which he commanded our fathers to teach to their children, that the next generation might know them, the children yet unborn, and arise and tell them to their children, so that they should set their hope in God and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments; and that they should not be like their fathers, a stubborn and rebellious generation, a generation whose heart was not steadfast, whose spirit was not faithful to God.

Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. 

We are all products of our culture. The difference lies in the extent to which we are influenced by it. Sadly, our view of marriage is often influenced by the popular notions of the culture such that we get its purpose completely twisted. Dear Christian, train yourself to view marriage through the lens of scripture. 

FIVE REASONS WHY THE CHARISMATIC DRAMA IS DISTURBING

And so it has happened again! It is becoming a routine, isn’t it? Surely we have got the drill by now. It usually goes something like this. A church and its leader makes headlines and go viral for some extraordinary act performed by the “man of God”. From the spraying of doom to making people eat grass, to making a phone call to God in the middle of the service, to giving some sort of revelation, to claiming to heal entire hospital wards to now raising the dead.

But the routine doesn’t end there, such drama is followed by the clamour and jokes on social media. And in a sense, both rage and laughter are proper responses. But I wonder if this drama for what it really is; a dangerous disease that does damage to the word of God, the true gospel and the credibility of the church. Let me highlight five problems with it.

Attacks the sufficiency of scripture

The preoccupation with dreams, visions and new revelation often dubbed ‘a word from the Lord’ in the charismatic movement attacks the sufficiency of scripture. People are no longer interested in what the Lord actually says in His word, but what the dream means and if the man of God has tapped into the Shekinah glory to give them a message. It is no longer the faithful exposition of scripture that essential, the ability to interpret dreams and visions. When you do that for a while, you end up with an entire stream of “Christians”, who are not only biblically illiterate but doubt the sufficiency of scripture. No wonder it is not uncommon for people to hear and see what the passage is saying and still follow what their man of God has said. Yet Peter who had some glorious experiences with the Lord tells us that the word is surer (2 Peter 1:19-21).

Dilutes the gospel

The gospel according to the Bible is a holy God as the creator, father and judge of the world giving His only son Jesus Christ as a perfect sinless sacrifice to pay the penalty for our sins by dying in the place of a sinful, rebellious people who deserve wrath and judgment, and yet if they believe in the work of Christ and repent of their sins, they will be saved (Acts 17:22-32, Romans 3:11-18, 2 Corinthians 5:17-21, John 3:23). That is gospel, the good news! Sadly all we hear now is deliverance and prosperity of all propositions. If you believe in a “Jesus” you will be delivered from all sorts of demons, spirits and curses that need binding or loosening and have been hindering your progress in life.

In all this the message of the sinfulness of man and the substitutionary atonement of Jesus is absent. Sin is not the problem, demons are. Repentance and forgiveness of sins in Christ are not the solutions, deliverance from spirits is. Dear friends, this is the gospel. And the Bible makes it very clear: a diluted gospel is no gospel at all (Galatians 1:6-10).

Mars the image of Christianity

A pastor (prophet) who fraudulently and shamefully dupes people into thinking he has performed a miracle or makes false declarations about events or makes people perform despicable acts (eating grass, undressing people etc) ends up shaming every Christian and church. The world has no categories for us, they do not pay attention to denominations or differences in doctrine, let alone, care about them. All they know are Christians.

Therefore what such drama does is make us look unintelligent and immoral. That someone will do such ridiculous things and still have a following does not paint a pretty picture. Such acts heighten the notion that Christians are not logical.

All this affects evangelism. It makes it very hard to reach the educated middle to upper class because the only version of Christianity they have is what they see go viral on social media and want nothing to do with it. This drama mars the image of the Christian faith.  

Builds a man-centred religion

The charismatic movement is a man-centred movement with a man-centred message. The churches are centred on the one man often the founder and CEO. And the message is about alleviating people’s problems (i.e. sickness, barrenness, jobs etc.). God then simply exists to make your life better, healthier and richer. The sovereignty and glory of God are denied not explicitly in the message but in the practice.

Is it any wonder that we spend time talking about the man and his acts and not his God or the message? When was the last time you heard a discussion concerning Bushiri’s message? Unless of course, he is talking about himself.

The trouble the event is you have to keep reinventing the wheel and coming up with something new and fresh every day. Hence, miracles have moved from healing back problems to ‘raising the dead’.

They glory in the devil

Strangely, this movement has a preoccupation with the devil. They see the devil in everything and have it their business to bind him on a weekly basis. They have creatively concocted a doctrine of demons such that they know the names of demons and their dealing places.

In a twisted kind of way, they create a powerful devil who they (the men of God) can overcome. So, in essence, they are the ones who are powerful! Is the devil real? Yes. Are we at war with him and his minnows? You bet we are. Has God taught us how to overcome him? Absolutely! Submit to God, resist the devil and he will flee from you (Jas 4:6-8, 1 Peter 5:7-8).

Dear friends, when the jokes and memes come to an end, I urge to contemplate further. This drama is not just laughable, it is cause for weeping. Weeping for the many blind followers who are hooked into this deception. The rise in false teachers should be wind in the sails of those who proclaim the true gospel,  to sound the anthem, Jesus Saves, Jesus saves!

PARENTS, PLEASE DON’T LIE TO YOUR KIDS

Note: The blog was down for two months but we are back in business, look out for something every Thursday. This article was written by my wife Kunda, who is a far better writer than I am, so enjoy!

A few times I have noticed, especially when a child is being disobedient, that people try to make the

child do the right thing by scaring them. This fear is more often than not instilled by telling the child

a lie. My daughter has often been a victim of this, three occasions come to mind;

 First was when she kept opening a drawer in the kitchen that holds most of my baking utensils. She would take my stuff out of the drawer and leave it all over the house. As is the way of these things, we all got tired of picking up after her. We had some people staying with us at the time and this time when she attempted to open the drawer again our guests caught her and one of them said to her, “Don’t open that! There are bugs in there!” did it work? Yes. It stopped her right in her tracks.

The second time I remember, I overheard someone saying to her, “Don’t do that if you do I’ll tell that spider to eat you!” to this day my husband has to check for spiders in any room. If she does see a spider, Daddy has to sort it out.

On the third occasion, a dear lady who had been visiting our house was leaving and my daughter so desperately wanted to go with her. The lady looked at my child and said, “Go and get your shoes so we can go together.” My poor baby ran to her bedroom, got her shoes and ran back out but the lady had gone.

I can think of a few other times people have said such things to my Daughter but I think these examples will suffice. Telling a child that an insect or dog or anything that scares them for that matter will do them harm in order to get the desired behaviour is quite common in Zambia. Other cultures have their own lies, for instance, I once read about a woman who would tell her toddler that if she didn’t brush her teeth before bed the tooth fairy would come and take them all (really??).

It seems it doesn’t take much for some adults to lie to a child. The lie is swift and often quite effective. Unfortunately, I have found that it takes a longer time to undo the damage, and guess what? Usually, Mom and Dad have to undo the mess. People usually don’t take these kinds of lies seriously; after all, they’re only telling it to a child and are getting the desired result right, Wrong!

Lying is a sin. Proverbs 12:22 says “the LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in people who are trustworthy.” Proverbs14:5 says, “An honest witness does not deceive, but a false witness pours out lies.” And oh, what about this one John 8:44, says, “You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father's desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies. Also, Ephesians 4:29 says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” The Bible says so much about lying and it’s never to support it. When you lie to a child for whatever reason, you are sinning against God. God is a God of Truth! Numbers 23:19 says “God is not a man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said and will not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfil it?” and Proverbs 30:5 says, “Every word of God proves true!” God can always be trusted and we ought to emulate this if indeed we believe in him.

The effects of lying are lasting. My daughter may not have the words to fully explain what she feels, but I know that she has been scarred by people lying to her. The telltale signs are that now when I’m going out my daughter asks me if I’m really going to take her with me even when I have told her I am. She has been taught to doubt what I say to her even when I have given her my word. In our home, our word means a lot. When Mom and Dad tell her something or promise her something, so it shall be done. In the event that we fail, we explain ourselves and apologise. Always. Now we have to work on undoing the damage, we have to remind her what our word means despite the lies told to her by others. I have also noticed that she always looks up in the ceiling and corners of the house to make sure that there are no grasshoppers or spiders that by the way do not by any means have the ability to eat an entire human being. What cruelty to cause a child to be needlessly fearful of their surroundings.

We are in essence teaching our children that lying is ok. After a child has been lied to often enough, they begin to think it's ok to say something that isn’t really true. Children grow up thinking; if it's ok for that grown up to say that grasshopper will eat me when in actual fact it will not, then it's ok for me to say, I didn’t take it!” when in actual fact I did! The evidence of this is clear, just look around you. People have perfected the art of lying. Look at all the adults going around lying so effortlessly; That business owner saying an order will be ready on Monday when they know it really won’t, that guy on the bus telling someone on his phone he’s almost there when he knows he’s still a few hours out, that young man telling that girl he loves her when he knows he really doesn’t. What we have in the end is a society of liars. After all, charity begins at home!

 What are we to do in light of all these things? Just don’t lie to kids.

• When you are going out say, “I’m going out and you’re not coming with me, 'so and so' is here to look after you. I will be back.” Sometimes there will be tears and sometimes there will be none.
• Tell them what they can and can’t play with. When there is disobedience take appropriate action.
• Lastly, when you make a promise, keep it. That means you shouldn’t make promises you can’t keep. Also, warn others not to make promises to our children that they do not intend on keeping.

Dear Parents and guardians, as stewards of these young souls, let us always tell our children the truth, even if at that moment it seems inconsequential.