This is a fourth
installment in the ongoing series of blogs on the lessons I learnt from the
women who played vital roles in raising me and teaching me the essential
principles of life. Some of the lessons highlighted were taught to me directly
and some indirectly. In other words, learning takes place whether we are being
intentional about it or not. The fourth lady in my hall of fame is Agness
Kaseka. I moved into her house in my early teens and was there until I moved
out to start a house of my own. So as you would expect I am highly indebted to
her in ways I will never repay. So here are the lessons I picked up from her.
Gentle and firm
Mrs. K, as we
fondly called her is one of those rare breeds of people who are gentle as a
dove and firm as a lion. She always wears a smile on her face and having a conversation
with her can often be sweet and uplifting. She has the cunning ability to
diffuse a tense and hostile situation with her grace and gentleness. Many
people have often taken her gentleness for weakness and so did I, especially since
she was the exact opposite of my late uncle, Mr. Kaseka (Mr. K) who was a
straight shooter!
I remember one
time after the passing of my uncle, Mrs. K decided to call for a family
meeting. We were about 13 in the house (the Kaseka’s always took in people),
and yet we were not all helping out with the chores, particularly the guys most
of whom were grown men. The meeting was Mrs. K at her best; she made it clear
in no uncertain terms that things had to change. Whoever was not ready to chip
in, the door was open, and yet she at the same time allowed for dialogue. I
remember her apologizing for something offensive she had said. Let’s just say
the meeting ended peacefully, and the guys started working!
Quietly strong and determined
When Mr. Kaseka
passed, it was a heavy blow to the entire family. The man was the bread winner
par excellence! And many people were certain Mrs. K would not pull through. The
children where young (7, 5 and 3 respectively), and on top of that, there were
other dependents to take care of. All kinds of advice was shared from all
corners, yet she stood her ground and soldiered on. Even I in my youthful zeal
doubted she would survive. 19 years later, Mrs. K is still standing and in the
same house. The children are all grown. Chabala the first born is a qualified
nurse and working for the government; Maria and Mark are both mid-way through
college.
It is the way
she has gone about her life that has been the most instructive. She has
quietness of spirit and a settled determination. She does not make noise and
cause confusion. She simply focuses on her life and quietly got things done and
does not complain or meddle in other people’s business.
Honest and reliable
Among the most
reliable people in our family, Mrs. Kaseka is among them. You are guaranteed
she will do what she says she will do. If she tells you to pick her up at 6,
you will find her ready at 6. You are also guaranteed that she will be honest
and not lie to you. She always kept exhorting us to tell the truth and avoid being
caught up in a web of lies.
Kind and respectful
Be it in the
family, the community or at church, Mrs. K’s kindness is evident to all. She
goes out of her way to help people and is often the go to person when in need. She
has such a sweet spirit, it is hard to hate her. She has a genuine desire to
see others excel and help them along the way. The people who rent apartments
from her become like family. I remember some years back she extended
hospitality to the guys who came to take the readings from the water meter. To
my shame, I stood there thinking to myself what a waste of food! But that is
Mrs K through and through, kind and respectful to people who come in her life
regardless of state or position.
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