I woke this morning reflecting on the many blessings the Lord has showered upon my Kunda and I as we celebrate another anniversary. I could not help but heed Johnson Oatman’s call to “Count your blessings; name them one by one. Count your blessings; See what God hath done.” And when I started counting and naming the Lord’s blessings, I was overwhelmed with gratitude for His steadfast love that never ceases and His mercies that never come to end. They are new every morning. Each passing year presents plenty of lessons to be gleaned. Let me share a few I have been reflecting on.
Marriage has revealed my self-centeredness
Before getting married I was so convinced of my own selflessness and tolerance that I often gave myself a pat on the back. After getting married, the Lord exposed the selfishness and impatience that ruled my heart. He began to show me that marriage and my wife did not exist to simply please me but for my holiness to the glory of God. And each passing day brought in the realization that the command to love my wife as Christ loved the church was a daunting task, and when I look at my selfishness I simply wonder if anyone is sufficient for this task.
Godliness is essential in marriage
Jay Adams in his book The Christian Home gives three non-negotiable traits he looks for before recommending single people for marriage. He asks first if they are saved, second if they are faithfully serving and growing in their church, lastly if they are able to solve problems biblically. His reasoning for the third is that since problems are inevitable in marriage, a couple that cannot resolve problems biblically is headed for disaster. I think Adams is right, and I could sum up the three points in one word -- godliness!
While there are many things that we need to invest in as a couple, godliness is a priority. At the end of the day, the only way two sinners can live together in peace and love is if they are submitting to God and pursuing Christ. This will be seen in faithfulness to learning the Scriptures in the home (failing terribly right now), praying together and for each other, reading Christian books, and using the home as a platform of ministry. It will also be seen in the faithfulness to church meetings and serving not just as individuals but as a couple as well.
I have married a gem
Kunda and I are polar opposites. She talks and I am quiet (trust me it is true); she loves working in the background (you have no idea, how many things are her ideas or many things are actually done by her) while I am often in front of things; she is super creative and I am definitely lacking in the creative department; she is a rigid detailed planner, while I am a flexible big picture guy (too free spirited if you ask her); she is a cautious decision maker and I am risk taker. These differences can be a point of friction or misunderstanding, but they also make us a perfect team.
In Kunda, I have both my biggest critic and greatest supporter. No matter what I do and where I go, I am assured she is praying for me. She keeps me accountable and often asks me those questions I would rather not answer. She is my fiercest competitor when we are playing games (we currently have a scrabble game waiting to be finished because we dozed off playing) and my best teammate. Though truth be told we prefer being on opposite sidesJ. Most importantly her desire to know and please the Lord in all she does is what I love the most about her. And that is desire has translated to the way she wants our daughter to grow up and the time she invests in training her in knowing God.
Happy Anniversary Kupe!