The common joke on the street is that if you see a happy couple laughing and talking together, then they are not married! The implication of this is that married couples are not a happy people but people often on each other’s throats. The joke is an exaggeration laced with generalization but there is an element of truth to it. It is safe to say that for most marriages if they are not on the rocks, they are definitely not thriving. We become comfortable with marriage relationships that are not growing and basking in the beauty of love and pleasure as God intended for marriage. The goal in marriage becomes a striving for the absence of conflict instead of growth that leads to mutual satisfaction. This is unfortunate and there are three reasons behind it.
A wrong understanding of marriage
In our times, wrong views of
marriage abound. They spring from bad examples in the homes, wrong cultural
teachings, wrong worldviews and bad examples in the home and on the television.
Therefore, by the time a 30-year-old person is marrying, they have all kinds of
ungodly and unbiblical worldviews of marriage. And what is worse is that they
are often stubborn in their ways and are unteachable. What has gone wrong? To
begin with, people do not realise that in marriage you become one. That means
you do life together “in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer.” By
marrying, you choose and commit to being open and vulnerable to your spouse. No
secrets, no holding back and no privacy! You are one spiritually, physically,
emotionally, financially etc. Furthermore, marriage is a commitment to the
other person, with all their faults. It is also a commitment to change for the
sake of your marriage and spouse. You cannot choose to marry and continue
living like a single person.
A wrong understanding of love
Love is a concept that needs
redeeming. Society has ruined it with its corruption. The love the world
preaches is self-serving. You love because of the benefits you get from others.
This kind of love only looks out for its benefits. It is temporal and you can
fall in and fall out of it anytime you want. Biblical love is the exact
opposite. It is a commitment to seek another person’s good, regardless of their
unworthiness. It is as Voddie Baucham describes it, “an act of the will
accompanied by emotion that leads to action on behalf of its object.” This kind
of love pursues after the other, it is dedicated to and finds delight in the
recipient. Such love grows and it thrives. The perfect model for this love is
Jesus Christ, who gave up his life for people who were hostile to him. This is
the love that husband and wife are called to share for their marriage to
thrive.
Lack of investment in the marriage
Relationships require hard work!
They require enormous effort for them to grow. Marriage is no different. If you
see a lovely, godly couple that is basking in love, you have seen two people
who are working hard and investing in their marriage. They are working hard to
grow as individuals and as a couple. They are learning how to better serve and
love their spouse. They are working on the habits and behaviours that their
spouse does not appreciate. They are finding ways to demonstrate love. They are
also committed to church life together, worshipping and serving together, and
investing in friendships with other godly Christian couples. They prioritize
platforms and meetings that build their marriage. They are at couples’
meetings, conferences and outings. They also plan and prioritize dates,
holidays and fun activities as a couple. They do everything in their power to
invest in their spiritual, physical, mental and emotional growth as a couple.
They know that failure to invest in marriage is a sure way to kill it.
Conclusion
Marriages done in God’s way are beautiful,
enriching and challenging. It requires selfless love and continuous effort to
know each other and grow in love. It demands intentionality from the couple to
invest in their marriage. Dear Christian couple, make every effort to thrive in
your marriage. Review, reevaluate, and pursue one another. Bask in the beauty
of love!
