COUNSEL FOR SINGLE PEOPLE SEEKING MARRIAGE

It is a challenge to get an accurate pulse on our society these days. There was a time when Zambian culture was clearly defined and easily identified. However, our society is a mixed pot of worldviews and cultural practices that it is now made up of all kinds of concoctions of principles and practices. One area in which this confusion has become clear is marriage. Gone are the days when marriage was honourable. Desiring marriage is not as commendable as it was. Many people want the glamour of the wedding but not the grind of the relationship. They desire the rewards but not the responsibility. It is such a society that most single people find themselves in. Here is some counsel to consider.

 Desiring marriage is a good thing

It is right and honourable to desire marriage. God ordained it, and it is He who created us with the desire for marriage. One ought not to be ashamed when they desire marriage. Churches and homes should encourage young people to think about and long for marriage. This encouragement should be done without putting undue pressure on them; however, they should be rightly challenged about marriage. One of the prayer points for church prayer meetings should be for suitable marriage partners for the singles in the church. 

 Pursue spiritual growth

While you desire and long for marriage, pursue spiritual growth. Invest in your holiness and walk with the Lord. Seek to know Christ and serve Him with all diligence daily. Apply yourself to the spiritual disciplines of Bible study, prayer, fasting, fellowship, evangelism, service etc. This is important because holiness is essential to a successful marriage. A marriage of two ungodly people is bound to be a miserable one. In many ways, the will of God is often revealed when we are devoted to him. The best gift you can give your future spouse is your spiritual growth. 

 Know what marriage is

Ignorance is dangerous! It is even worse when you think you know, but you do not know. Many single people think they know what marriage is and what it takes to make a marriage work. They have a view of marriage developed from popular chick flicks, soap operas and the trends on social media. However, all those are not the right sources of knowledge. Study what the Bible teaches about marriage. Read Christian books on marriage and learn from godly Christian couples.

 Be clear about your goals & standards

Set your standards, live them out and do not compromise. One has to be very clear about what they want in a marriage partner. What are the non-negotiables and negotiables? The non-negotiables should be foundational matters, a testimony of salvation, a healthy growing member of a church, a clear vision in life and a willingness to resolve conflict biblically. On such matters, there can be no compromise. Beware of majoring on the minors.

Pursue discipleship relationships

The Christian life is to be lived in community. Salvation brings us into the family of God, and that is made visible through the local church. You share life with them and help each other grow in Christ-likeness. As someone seeking marriage, consider developing relationships with some couples in your church. Learn from them, and let them provide accountability for you. This is very important. You have not walked the road of marriage before, therefore learn from those who are ahead of you. 

 Pray

Pray for the Lord to teach you joyful contentment in your singleness. Pray for your purity and endurance to fight temptation. Pray for a suitable marriage partner and wait patiently. Ask others to pray with you and for you.

 Marriage is good, and those who long for it desire a good thing. However, marriage though beautiful is not a walk in the park. It takes work, patience, humility and grace to make it beautiful. It is, therefore, important that those who desire marriage are well prepared for it.