COUNSEL FOR SINGLE PEOPLE SEEKING MARRIAGE

It is a challenge to get an accurate pulse on our society these days. There was a time when Zambian culture was clearly defined and easily identified. However, our society is a mixed pot of worldviews and cultural practices that it is now made up of all kinds of concoctions of principles and practices. One area in which this confusion has become clear is marriage. Gone are the days when marriage was honourable. Desiring marriage is not as commendable as it was. Many people want the glamour of the wedding but not the grind of the relationship. They desire the rewards but not the responsibility. It is such a society that most single people find themselves in. Here is some counsel to consider.

 Desiring marriage is a good thing

It is right and honourable to desire marriage. God ordained it, and it is He who created us with the desire for marriage. One ought not to be ashamed when they desire marriage. Churches and homes should encourage young people to think about and long for marriage. This encouragement should be done without putting undue pressure on them; however, they should be rightly challenged about marriage. One of the prayer points for church prayer meetings should be for suitable marriage partners for the singles in the church. 

 Pursue spiritual growth

While you desire and long for marriage, pursue spiritual growth. Invest in your holiness and walk with the Lord. Seek to know Christ and serve Him with all diligence daily. Apply yourself to the spiritual disciplines of Bible study, prayer, fasting, fellowship, evangelism, service etc. This is important because holiness is essential to a successful marriage. A marriage of two ungodly people is bound to be a miserable one. In many ways, the will of God is often revealed when we are devoted to him. The best gift you can give your future spouse is your spiritual growth. 

 Know what marriage is

Ignorance is dangerous! It is even worse when you think you know, but you do not know. Many single people think they know what marriage is and what it takes to make a marriage work. They have a view of marriage developed from popular chick flicks, soap operas and the trends on social media. However, all those are not the right sources of knowledge. Study what the Bible teaches about marriage. Read Christian books on marriage and learn from godly Christian couples.

 Be clear about your goals & standards

Set your standards, live them out and do not compromise. One has to be very clear about what they want in a marriage partner. What are the non-negotiables and negotiables? The non-negotiables should be foundational matters, a testimony of salvation, a healthy growing member of a church, a clear vision in life and a willingness to resolve conflict biblically. On such matters, there can be no compromise. Beware of majoring on the minors.

Pursue discipleship relationships

The Christian life is to be lived in community. Salvation brings us into the family of God, and that is made visible through the local church. You share life with them and help each other grow in Christ-likeness. As someone seeking marriage, consider developing relationships with some couples in your church. Learn from them, and let them provide accountability for you. This is very important. You have not walked the road of marriage before, therefore learn from those who are ahead of you. 

 Pray

Pray for the Lord to teach you joyful contentment in your singleness. Pray for your purity and endurance to fight temptation. Pray for a suitable marriage partner and wait patiently. Ask others to pray with you and for you.

 Marriage is good, and those who long for it desire a good thing. However, marriage though beautiful is not a walk in the park. It takes work, patience, humility and grace to make it beautiful. It is, therefore, important that those who desire marriage are well prepared for it.

Four Misconceptions about Church Discipline

 

One of the misunderstood teachings in the Bible is the subject of church discipline. There are several reasons for this including wrong teaching on the subject, wrong practices in our churches, immaturity, and cultural influences. However, though often painful and heartbreaking, church discipline as taught in the Scriptures is good and healthy. With all good things practised by sinful people, mistakes and misconceptions will abound. Here are four common misconceptions about church discipline.

It is only punitive and negative

            Ask a group of Christians if they have ever undergone church discipline and awkwardness immediately fills the room. This is because church discipline is viewed as negative and punitive. In fact, the whole concept of discipline needs redeeming in our culture. People hear discipline and horrific experiences of corporal punishment from school or some brutal parental exhibition of anger flood their memories. If it is not a punitive action, then what is church discipline? In practising church discipline, the church is protecting the name of Jesus by intentionally ensuring they (together) live out the truth of the gospel. When thinking of church discipline, we should think of training one another (in the idea of schools at University) and maintaining order in the church (the idea of raising children). This is both formative instruction (Romans 15:14) and corrective, restoring one who has strayed from the instructions (1Corinthians 5:1-11).

It is unloving

            The common belief is that whoever disciplines, corrects, or points out your sins is your enemy.             Our warped view of love is that whoever loves you will support you and cover for your sins. Hence, the practice of church discipline as taught in the Scriptures is counter-cultural. It goes against the fibre of our thinking. To point out the sins of a brother (Matthew 18:15-18) is considered uncaring. Our culture would rather you leave the person wallowing in their sins to their ruin. Now that is the very definition of unloving! Hebrews 12 teaches us that one act of God’s love is the discipline of His children. Friends who support and condone your sinful and foolish choices and actions in the name of love are wolves in sheepskin. They will “love” you to your ruin. They do not care about your soul and would rather let you live a life that does not honour Christ.

It should only be practised on the big and harmful sins

            One prevailing misconception is that only big and harmful sins should be confronted and dealt with. Sexual sin resulting in pregnancy, theft of church monies, and murder to mention only three. Whether the person is repentant or not, commit any of these and you are gone! This is because in African culture, sin is what offends and brings shame to the community and not necessarily going against the teachings of Scripture. Therefore, confronting someone about his or her greed, gossip or lying is considered as being overly difficult. So people will stubbornly and unrepentantly hold on to their sins and not be confronted and disciplined because the sins are considered small.

It should be practised by the elders

            Another misconception is that the elders are the ones who carry out discipline. Therefore, the common practice is that when brother A finds out that brother C is living in unconfessed sin, they will tell elder D to go and confront brother C. Further, it is common practice in churches for the elders to simply inform the members that brother C has been excommunicated. While this is convenient, it does two things. One, it undermines the authority and responsibility of the congregation. The authority to excommunicate an unrepentant member lies with the congregation (Matthew 18: 17-20, 1 Corinthians 5:1-11) and so does the responsibility to confront an erroring brother. The other problem with the misconception is that it turns elders into investigators in the church, who are always chasing up what A said about C and seeking to gather evidence of whether it is true or not.

Conclusion

            These misconceptions make the practice of church discipline extremely difficult in the church. A proper understanding of the gospel and its demands on the believer as well as a biblical understanding of the church is imperative if we are to practice healthy church discipline. The Christian life is radical; it calls for transformation. The Christian life is also a corporate one. It is a group of people coming together helping each other become more like Christ.