Groups of people the church mocks (part 2)

Two weeks ago I began a series of blogs aimed at highlighting how the church is often guilty of following the society’s thinking in mocking groups of people for what may be perceived as disadvantages or even curses. This mocking behavior and attitude towards people who may be at a different stage of life and have a different calling is contrary to the commands of Scripture, as we are commanded to love, serve, be gentle, kind and compassionate to our brethren and their needs. Last week we looked at the singles as a group of people that is often a victim of mockery; the second group of people the church often fails to minister to in love are barren couples.

In our culture, having a child is a sacred thing and a must for everyone. Children are viewed as the goal of marriage. A childless marriage is considered incomplete and can never be God’s plan or will for your life. A lack of children is grounds for termination of the marriage, and those who stay do so at the cost of facing insults and humiliation. Sadly, Christians are not immune to this mockery and unloving insensitivity toward barren couples. Our response to it often ranges from awkward silence to outright abuse and mockery. In what ways do we act this way? Let me offer two suggestions.

Assuming every couple must have children

When God instituted marriage (Gen. 2), husband (Adam) and wife (Eve) were fully satisfied, and children were not part of the picture. Now it is true that God expects us to be fruitful and multiply, and He himself blesses us with children. It is also true that God in His sovereign wisdom and for reasons unknown to us allows some couples not to have children, either for a season or for the entirety of their marriage. So, while it is perfectly fine to ask God to bless a couple with children, it is biblically unfounded and very insensitive to claim that couples need deliverance. A childless couple is not demon possessed nor are they lacking in their faith. Children do not come from the devil but from God himself, and if the Lord purposes to bless a couple with a child, no amount of demons will hinder that blessing. You know a lot about people’s Christianity by how they respond when God says no to their earnest prayers. 

So, let’s stop the idea of applying pressure on newlyweds, wondering when they are going to have children and what they are waiting for. A marriage is perfectly complete even without children because children are not the goal of marriage!

This is also true with the advice we give, often unsolicited. Who says it is a must for a childless couple to seek medical attention or consider adoption? It is perfectly fine if they chose to do any of them, but even then the reasons must be right and not simply doing it because every couple must have children! At times we need to learn to keep quiet and listen to people particularly people who might be hurting or going through a trial.   

Treating barren couples like they have it easy

Married people think, singles have it easy; couples with children behave like childless couples have it easy. And so it is often common to find childless couples treated with condescending attitudes because they have no children to take care of, so their homes must be neat at all times, and their marriage must be heaven on earth. However, the Bible says God gives us the grace for every responsibility and season of life. So, a family of nine has no excuse for not living the way God intended it to be. Yes, a childless couple will not have the same responsibilities that parenting couples have but that does not mean they have it easy. It is the irony of discontentment that the singles envy the married, while the married envy the singles and the childless couple envies the parenting couple while the parenting couple envies the childless couple. A mark of a healthy Christian is that they are content in whatever state they are in.

The big picture

This is a broken world. It was broken by the fall of man. It is broken and passing away. And while we are on earth, we feel and bear the effects of the fall. That means pain, sorrow and suffering are part of our lives. Our own Lord and Savior experienced and endured this suffering and promised us that we like him will face the same. The suffering this side of eternity makes us long for a better life, it fuels our hope for the glory to come.

“Those who follow the pierced feet of the Savior bear their own scars. Those struggling with infertility might not bear the physical scars of childbirth, but they do bear the emotional and spiritual scars of painful wrestling with God (Genesis 32:24–30). And God has given them his church, and his church to them, to care and comfort and carry them in the pain.”[1]

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[1] https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/infertility-in-the-arms-of-the-church