The weak and Strong living in Harmony

Last week I took my two toddlers for a walk. Our youngest is turning two. When we got out of the gate, I knew where we were headed and how long it would take us to get there. However, there was a problem. If I walked at my pace, my son would have to run to keep up. If we walked at his pace, it would take us a while to get there. If I carried him the whole way, I would be tired, and he would miss the exercise that would strengthen his body.

In many ways, that is a perfect picture of the body of Christ. The church is comprised of people at different stages of Christian maturity. For this reason, it is often a challenge to figure out the pace at which the body should move. Some struggle with issues that others deem non-issues. Some have a clear understanding of where they should be and what they need to do to get there, while there are some who have to be convinced about the need to be going in the first place! Some have resolved some theological and ethical challenges in their minds and have settled convictions, while there are some who are only beginning to answer the questions.

Such a situation poses a wonderful or potentially volatile opportunity. Those who are mature in matters, let’s call them the strong, will struggle with the temptation to look down on or be frustrated with those who are immature, let’s call them the weak. The weak, in turn, will despise the strong for their freedom and insensitivity to matters. The strong could walk at their pace, to the neglect of the weak, or they could carry the weak on their back and never allow them to wrestle through issues. A better option is for them to walk alongside the weak and help them grow to maturity.

This was the situation at the church in Rome. Romans 14 and 15 address such a challenge between the strong and the weak in the church. In addition, the admonishment of Scripture is that the strong should lovingly bear with the weak. In other words, it is God’s design for them to be together and to help each other joyfully grow. It would be easy for the strong to start their own church and the weak to do likewise, but such actions would be motivated by pride and self- satisfaction, attitudes that are works of the flesh. Therefore, the Scripture exhorts:

But we who are strong ought to bear the weaknesses of those who are without strength and not please ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbor for good, for edification. Romans 15:1-2

Nine Practical Ways You Can Encourage Your Pastor This Year

There is a lot said about how pastors should minister to the congregation. And rightly so; in fact, one could argue that there is a need for more written on the subject as too many of us pastors are preoccupied with too many things to neglect our primary duty of shepherding the congregation. That, however, is a subject for another day. My focus today is to offer some ways in which congregations can be of ministry to their pastors practically. And yes, this may sound like it is from the pastor’s union! Here are nine practical suggestions on how congregations can be of ministry to their pastors. 

1.      Pray for him- ask him for specifics

You will never know how much pastors need the prayers of the congregation. Pray for them. Ask for specifics, and let them know you are praying for them. Your pastor needs your prayers. 

2.      Be present and attentive to the teaching and preaching

You must heed the Scripture’s command to not forsake the assembling of believers. When you gather, listen to the teaching and preaching of the Word with enthusiasm. That will encourage the men that labour in the Word among you. And, of course, apply the truths to your lives. 

3.      Give feedback to the preaching

As you listen week in and week out, give feedback. This means a bit more than the traditional thank you for the message. Ask follow-up or clarifying questions. Share anything that stood out for you. Even mention if there is something that you disagree with. You will encourage your pastor by giving constructive feedback to his sermons. 

4.      Buy him a book

Pastors need and love books, but books are expensive! Buying your pastor a book that he needs or has been desiring might be an encouraging act of love from you. The only advice I would offer is to ask him what book(s) might be of most help to him at a particular moment. And just for your information, pastors love other things and not just books! 

5.      Challenge him to rest

Some pastors can be workaholics. Encourage them to rest. Challenge them not to have a messiah complex. The church will not close because they are away. They need to be humble and rest. Only God never sleeps nor slumbers. 

6.      Ask him how he is doing

Really ask him, not just the superficial greetings we give each other. Ask him if ‘it is well with his soul.’ Be ready to listen. This will also help you with how to pray for him.  

7.      Minister to his wife

Be a blessing to the pastor’s wife. She is not an assistant pastor, but she does bear the burdens of the ministry as well. Find out some practical ways you can be of blessing to her. Encourage your pastor by encouraging his wife. 

8.      Do not give him undue respect

Honour your elders. However, do not treat them as Lords. Undue respect will puff up the man, which will not benefit him or the congregation. 

9.      Submit to and cooperate with the leaders

Be willing to be led by the elders the Lord has blessed you with. Refrain from complicating their work by refusing to submit and cooperate with them. You will encourage your pastor by offering to and cooperating with his leadership. 

Conclusion

The relationship between the pastor and the congregation is one of mutual responsibility. The congregation makes and trains the pastor, and the pastor shapes and influences the congregation. As a congregation, do your utmost to be of ministry to your pastor.

THE CHALLENGES OF CROSS-CULTURAL MINISTRY RELATIONSHIPS

Last week, I shared some of the joys of cross-cultural ministry. This week we look at eight challenges that these relationships bring. Again, these are generalisations, and I am fully aware of how delicate and awkward these conversations can be. My prayer is that it can generate some fruitful discussions among those in cross-cultural relationships. 

The Zambians general perception of themselves

The first challenge to cross-cultural relationships and ministry is the general tendency among some Africans to perceive themselves as inferior. This partly springs from viewing the Westerner as the messiah and also as an opportunity for easy money. But it also comes from seeing ourselves as poor and needy and therefore recipients of other people's giving. People with this attitude end up been yes men and men-pleasers. They will do anything as long as they are in the bwana's good books. This makes it extremely difficult to have meaningful relationships with such men. Their default mindset is to be recipients. They receive knowledge and resources, but they never dispense. Hence the relationship becomes one of the horse and rider.

Westerner's general perception of themselves

Conversely, the westerners have a tendency to have a messiah complex. They come in with the mindset that they know everything, and they have the money. As a result, they do not want to learn or admit that they do not know. They somewhere have to be the master and cannot be taught or lead. Even people with zero experience, fresh from the classroom, will portray themselves as masters of the art.

It is no wonder that it is generally very difficult and rare to find a westerner serving under a local. If they do, they are somehow pulling strings in the background. The moment you do not do their bidding, they leave. The African's inferiority complex and the Westerner's superiority complex combine to present an extremely difficult challenge to develop relationships cross-culturally.

The establishment of personal kingdoms

The modern-day mission's philosophy seems to be, do as many things as you can manage in the shortest possible time. Massive projects, glamorous programs and a lot of salvation testimonies. This creates a temptation for many to produce results like yesterday. This often leads to treating people like projects to pursue and accomplish. However, meaningful discipleship relationships do not work like that. You cannot build meaningful relationships overnight. This takes time, but if you are pressed for time, you will settle for projects and programs with shallow and superficial relationships. The sad result is Africans and westerners end up uniting to simply accomplish projects, and those relationships end with the projects.

Navigating different cultural practices

One of the challenges missionaries have faced throughout the history of missions is resisting the temptation to present Christianity in the form of their culture. It is common for a western missionary to copy and paste the traditions and practices of their church in South Carolina or Dublin and present it as the biblical way. What that does is that it then pits the western culture versus the African culture. Therefore, anything African is not Christian and anything western is Christian. Sadly, most Africans will not challenge such faulty reasoning openly, they will simply live double lives and express anger privately. Trying to equate Christianity to western culture is, in the

long run, a hindrance to thoughtful Africans as they can see through the inconsistencies. 

Lack of transparency with money issues

This is a hard and touchy one. The accountability model, in such cases, is one way. The westerners will demand accountability from the Africans who work under them on how the money is used but the African cannot hold the Westerner accountable. So you find that the western missionary will be working closely with African colleagues, but only he knows the nitty grits and working with him is working for him. And as such if a missionary leaves, so does the money. The how much came, from where and who is top secret. Not all the cards are laid on the table even in the context of co-labourers.

 

But there is also the African challenge, where honesty and integrity in the handling of money are sadly missing. The misuse of funds and the desire for selfish gain is prevalent. Further, it is common to find Africans who are not willing to give and simply want to be on the receiving. This creates a rather unhealthy dependency syndrome.

Challenge of insincere relationships

One of the toughest challenges in a cross-cultural ministry relationship is that of developing a meaningful relationship. Such relationships will require a lot of humility and a willingness to learn and understand. Unfortunately, pride stands in the way, and most people regardless of their cultural background, struggle to open up and be vulnerable. It is not uncommon to find western missionaries live in an area for a long time and not develop meaningful relationships with the locals and the same is true of locals who will work with westerners but only pursue superficial relationships with them. This always creates a barrier and a gap which with the passing of time seems impossible to bridge. 

Wrong perceptions & stereotypes

Perceptions and stereotypes abound in cross-cultural relationships. Some may be real or have elements of truth, but most are generally false and over generalisations. Working through these requires honest and often awkward conversations taking place. Building trust and pursuing biblical loving relationships. The challenge of perceptions and stereotypes is that you may live with people and never really know what and how they think about you and then worse still, it takes years to undo perceptions.

Differing standards of living

One awkward reality when serving in a cross-cultural ministry is that they will generally be a massive difference in the standard of living between the locals and the westerners. Those who raise support from outside will always be able to afford things that the locals cannot. That in itself is perfectly fine and understandable. However, it presents a potential challenge that, unfortunately, most people do not know how to handle. Some will try to pretend that it does not exist. Others will grow bitter and frustrated. Others have tried to create equality with mixed results.  However, one chooses to handle it, this is a reality. And ignoring it does not mean it does not exist.

In bible school, our lecturers will often talk about suffering in ministry and how that means that you usually live below the standards of living. Which was perfectly sound and biblical advise. The only problem is that our lecturers had better and bigger cars and lived in the best homes in the community! Now I am not for a moment suggesting they lived extravagantly nor been insincere. It is just so happened that they had higher standards of living based on their income. That is a reality you have to grapple with in cross-cultural ministry relationships. 

Conclusion

One could go on to highlight many other challenges. In many ways, how people handle these challenges will come down to how Christ-like they are. These relationships give an opportunity for the fruit of the spirit to be evident. Because to relate and serve with and alongside brethren from another cultural setting requires love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control.

The Joys of Cross-Cultural Ministry Relationships

A year ago, I was asked to write an article about cross-cultural ministry and relationships (yes, it took that long!). Realising both the importance and delicate nature of such a discussion, my wife and I met up with two dear families that we have the privilege of serving with and calling friends. The two are American families serving in Zambia, and we figured it would be good to get their perspective on the joys and challenges of serving in a cross-cultural setup, while giving them ours. The thoughts you will find in the next two articles are a product of that discussion. I will attempt to address the joys and end with the challenges in the following write up.

Cross-cultural ministry relationships display the beauty of unity in diversity. 

From the inception of the church, unity was to be pursued amid diversity. The Jews were not called to establish Jewish Baptist Church nor the Gentiles to establish Gentile Evangelical Church. They were to become one body and one family in Christ and live and work together in harmony. In many ways, cross-cultural ministry presents people with an excellent opportunity to display their oneness in Christ even amid great cultural diversity. There is something remarkable about people who have naturally have reason working together, developing genuine loving relationships and uniting for the cause of Jesus.

Cross-cultural ministry relationships help prevent cultural Christianity 

The opposite of unity in diversity is cultural Christianity. It is behavioural and merely outward. It is conformity rather than transforming. It is the pursuit of sameness rather than unity. This is a version of Christianity that knowingly or unknowingly becomes a product of its culture and tradition. The end result of such Christianity is that everyone acts the same. Diversity is frowned upon. They want everyone to comb their hair the same, to have the same taste in music and have the same taste of fashion, etc. This kind of Christianity is big on building camps and kingdoms. They are quick to highlight and point out those who are different and usually anything different is viewed with suspicion. Developing cross-cultural ministry relationships helps you to differentiate between merely cultural norms and actual biblical mandates.

Cross-cultural ministry relationships build a mutual partnership. 

Building meaningful cross-cultural relationships that are founded on oneness in Christ will lead to mutual partnerships in ministry. People will see each other as brothers and sisters who are called to build each other in the most holy faith. It is not the relationship of the horse and the rider, no superiority or inferiority complexes. It is not a one-way relationship where one group of people does the teaching, and a different group of people does the learning. It causes people to see each other as partners in the harvest. It causes people to realise that the plans and kingdom of God are bigger than them and their little region, and they get to play a part in the grand scheme of God’s eternal plans.

Cross-cultural ministry relationships produce rounded mature believers

There is something about knowing and relating to people from a different cultural background that helps you think through issues in a different light. As one learns of the different situations and ways of thinking of different people. As you learn and see the different issues from other people’s point of view and learn the different challenges different people face, it gives a deeper appreciation of what God is doing in His church. In some ways, it also helps you understand some cultural aspects of Scripture. One brother mentioned how coming to Zambia helped him develop an understanding of certain portions of Scripture, such as the mourning process in the book of Job and the gospel accounts of Jesus being pressed by a crowd. Attending an African funeral and going to one of the big open markets gave him a visible illustration of those passages of Scripture.

Cross-cultural ministry helps raise children with a balanced view of life and the church

Children raised in a culturally diverse church or context tend to have a broader or balanced outlook on the world and Christianity. The exposure to different ways of life and seeing the application of biblical truth in a diverse group of people will often prevent them from narrow-mindedness. When they observe the unity amid diversity, they grow up to appreciate and even embrace diversity. Is it any wonder that children raised on the mission field often struggle to identify with both the country of origin and the country they grew up in. That is, in many ways, an illustration of how cross-cultural relationships can shape one’s perspective of their lives, the church and their world.

Conclusion

Cross-cultural ministry presents many blessings. It gives a foretaste of glory divine when all tongues, tribes and nations will gather and worship the lamb who was slain. It provides a powerful opportunity for God’s people to display the love and unity of Christ before a watching and bemused world at this anomaly of unity amid diversity.

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Five Popular but Unbiblical marriage counsel in Zambia

When a couple is on the verge of a wedding, a lot of preparation goes into the big day. Top on the list is the various forms of formal and informal counselling. People are generous with their counsel, whether solicited or not. In many ways, it is a blessing to be loaded with counsel from other people's experience. That said, some of the counsel that is given is shallow and outright unbiblical but sadly popular. Here are five pieces of advice a bride and groom are most likely to hear that should not be entertained.

1. The man's unfaithfulness does not break the marriage.

This is, in fact, a proverb in one of our local languages "Ubuchende bwamwaume tabutoba ng' anda

". Young women are, in essence, taught to expect their husbands to be unfaithful. This starts off the marriage on high levels of mistrust. 'A man is a man' some would say. This thinking is straight from the pit of hell. The marriage bed must be undefiled and kept holy. It speaks to the moral decay of society when unfaithfulness is not only expected but also encouraged.

2. The wife keeps a marriage.

In our culture, the woman is blamed for a failed marriage and a broken home. This kind of thinking begun in Genesis 3 when Satan usurped the man's responsibility in the marriage. By approaching Eve, Satan was making a subtle but deadly move to ignore Adam, the husband. Thankfully, God calls out Adam and squarely places the responsibility where it lies, in the man. Headship is equal to responsibility. A failed marriage and a broken home is a reflection on the man's leadership.

3. People can steal your spouse.

This is often a warning to young women to be wary of female siblings, friends, house helps and her husband's female workmates because they can snatch or steal your spouse. The problem with such a line of thinking is that it strips the man of any form of responsibility. It portrays him as an innocent person who for some strange reason, is powerless to the aura of anyone in a skirt! A grown man cannot be stolen unless of course he is kidnapped at gunpoint! A man or woman who falls into a sexual affair does so willingly[1].

4. A marriage cannot succeed without traditional counselling. 

This is a hot issue in most churches and among Christians. The general thinking is that a marriage cannot work or succeed without the couple undergoing traditional counselling. It is, therefore, sadly common to find Christian parents find non-believers to teach and prepare their children for marriage. In a way, that is a Christian parent saying to the world; I am not equipped to prepare my child for marriage. However, dear Christian parent, marriage is God's idea, and He has laid it out in His word for us. The scriptures are sufficient.

5. Oneness only refers to sex.

Our traditional counselling can be explicitly sexual. Besides, the common reason for marrying seems to be sexual satisfaction. Therefore, the understanding of oneness seems to be primarily physical while emotional, spiritual and mental oneness is not encouraged. Now while it is true that sexual union in marriage is a blessing oneness is broader than just physical union. An overemphasis of the physical union to the neglect of the other aspects leads to frustration and joylessly going through the motions of the marriage relationship.

Conclusion

I am convinced that these and many other popular but unbiblical counsels of marriage have contributed to a very negative view of this most wonderful of unions. Marriage requires work and effort, but it is not meant to be a chore. It should be built on the truth of God's word if it is to be a blessing to those who enter into it lawfully and willingly.

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[1]               This, of course, excludes rape and defilement victims.