Dear Christian Do Not Mock Single People

Mockery is a vice that is fun to dish out but terrible to be a recipient of. The dictionary defines mockery as “teasing and contemptuous language or behaviour directed at a particular person or thing.” Granted there is a place for good old banter among friends so that we can laugh at our folly and idiosyncrasies. There is, however, a rather unhealthy form of mockery that belittles others and is not in the spirit of love. Unloving mockery is common even among believers and is targeted at particular groups of people. I intend to show in the next three blogs how we who are in the church are guilty of being unloving by mocking particular groups of people. The first group of people who are victims of our mockery are singles.

In Zambian culture, marriage is sacred and highly honoured. Children are from birth raised with marriage as the ultimate goal and rightly so. Marriage is God-ordained and is an honourable thing. In our culture, however, we not only expect you to be married, we demand it! Marriage has social, economic and religious implications. The marriage of an individual brings honour to the entire family, and the lack of it brings shame. We have no place for singles who want to remain single. If an individual becomes of age and they are not getting married, the conclusion is they either have severe problems, or they are promiscuous. There may be other conclusions, but whatever the case, we conclude that something is wrong with that individual. Here are a few ways in which the church mocks single people.

We assume a single person is inferior to a married person

One of the common phrases and misconceptions about marriage is that your spouse completes you.  And therefore, single people are incomplete. We quickly run to Genesis, where God says it is not good for the man to be alone (Gen. 2:18). Now depending on how you use that phrase it is correct. Adam did not have the companionship he needed and desired. However, that does not mean that  Adam was not perfectly complete to live a joyful life that carries out God’s purposes. The Bible tells us that those who are in Christ are complete in Him (Col 2:8-10). The notion that married people are complete comes from the false premise that marriage will solve all your problems, make you a better person, and make you happy.

Consequently, people go into marriage with all these false assumptions and end up with false expectations of their spouse. If a person is not happy, the problem is not their marital status; it’s their walk with God. Those who walk with the Lord learn to be joyfully content in whatever state they are in, be it single or married. It is because of such false notions about marriage that we expect our spouses to satisfy us in ways only God can.

We add marriage to the qualification of church officers 

It is common for churches to demand that a person be married to be considered for a church office. Now there is obvious wisdom in preferring a married person to serve in the office of pastor or deacon, but it should be stated as exactly that, a preference! It is not a biblical requirement. Churches even place marital status before godly character and in the process many biblically qualified singles have been overlooked on account of their status. The qualifications to the offices of deacon and pastor (elder, bishop, these terms refer to the same office) are stated for us in the Bible and marriage is not one of them. Demanding marriage as a qualification is adding to the Scriptures.

Many of us would have issues with the Apostle Paul’s view of singles in the church and their service to God. He says singles are free from relational worries and distractions that marriage brings and have the gift and opportunity to spontaneously serve the Lord with undivided commitment (1 Cor. 7:32-35). Paul is no way suggests marriage is not honourable; he is merely acknowledging that while it is a good thing, a high calling ordained by God, it is also a demanding calling.  

We assume married people are wiser and more responsible 

When discussing matters of importance, it is a common consensus that singles must keep quiet and listen. When advice is sought on issues or responsibilities need to be taken up, the married almost always take the first precedence. Now that in itself is not necessarily wrong, and you cannot deny the fact that people who are married and manage homes have generally speaking picked up a level of know-how that one who is single may not have. The problem is when we deliberately mock people and their ideas on account of their singleness. And treating them like they are less of a Christian by been single. 

If we are all honest, some married people are not wise neither are they responsible. It is illogical to assume that a change in marital status will make a person more sensible and more responsible. There are plenty of examples of people who have entered marriage, and their irresponsibility and foolishness got worse after the wedding. And yet there are quite some people who are single and however are wise and responsible. The reason this is possible is that biblical wisdom comes from above and is evidenced by righteous living (James 3: 15-18, Psalm 1).

We need to remember that God designed the church so that every member may play their role to build up the body regardless of their marital status. Married people have a lot to teach single people, and at the same, the married have a lot to learn from the singles as well.

This mockery of people who are in a different phase of life than us reveals a great seated pride that refuses to acknowledge God’s grace for who we are and thank Him for what He is doing in other people’s lives. As a result, you will have married people in the church who fail to see the singles as fellow workers for the cause of the gospel and partner with them in discipleship relationships to the glory of God.

We should thank God for His wisdom in not making the church just full of married people or just full of single people. He designed to have both the married and the single, the young and old and there is beauty to that picture. We should encourage people to make the most of their season in life for the cause of Christ and to the glory of God. Dear single people do not waste your singleness. 

MINISTERIAL PLATFORMS AND SELF PROMOTION- LESSONS FROM JOHN THE BAPTIST

John the Baptist is a fascinating character. He plays an essential role in the narrative of the gospels and yet so peripheral we often do not pay attention to him. Almost always you hear him mentioned; it is as by the way, which was the role God intended him to play all along. Every time John speaks, he is pointing to Christ and deflecting focus from himself.

Interestingly Jesus called him the greatest man that ever lived and yet at the same time the least in the kingdom (Matthew 11:11). John the Baptist was always humble in his ministerial perspective. Notice the phrases used to refer to or describe the man: he was not the light, I am not the Christ, I am not Elijah, I am not the prophet, a voice in the wilderness, I must decrease, he ended up in prison and beheaded. It is not a glamorous ministry, and neither is it one you want to crave for, yet John by Christ's estimations was the greatest. What lessons can we learn from the life and ministry of John the Baptist? 

Ministerial platforms come from God

And they came to John and said to him, "Rabbi, he who was with you across the Jordan, to whom you bore witness—look, he is baptising, and all are going to him." John answered, "A person cannot receive even one thing unless it is given him from heaven. John 3:26-27

This perspective of life and ministry will serve many of us from envy of other people's success and from jostling for attention and praise from people. Ministry platforms and opportunities come from God, and they are to be used for Him, not self-promotion or exaltation. This perspective will also ensure that you are content with your ministry, whether it is celebrated or little-known. There is a difference between proclaiming and promoting the cause of Christ and the promotion of self. Oh, for wisdom to know the difference.

Ministerial platforms are meant to point to Christ

John the Baptist understood that he was just a just meant to prepare the way and stay out of the way. He was merely a pointer and not the point. The point was Jesus Christ! Someone rightly said, "if all people see is you and your efforts to build a platform, then you are stealing the show." The clamour for people's attention among us ministers is quite concerning. With the rise of social media, the temptation is ever real. Where does one draw the line?

On the one hand, it is a wonderful tool for ministry while on the other hand, the dangers for self-praise are ever-present. Every man knows the motives behind his actions. Ada Whittington's prayer should be every minister's. 

Not I, but Christ be honoured, loved, exalted,

Not I, but Christ be seen, be known and heard;

Not I, but Christ in every look and action,

Not I, but Christ in every thought and word.

Ministerial platforms can only be enjoyed when used to the glory of God

Every time I am officiating a wedding, I remind the bridal party, it's not their wedding, and it is not about them! I have seen some bridesmaid act as though it is their show, they whine and grumble and make ridiculous demands. I have noticed that such people never get to enjoy the wedding celebration. 

That is often the case in ministry. People who miss the point and fail to understand their role do not have the joy of serving God. Their happiness is often tied to the recognition and praises of men. They are happy when the numbers are high, the likes on the rise and they are delighted when they receive approval. And they miserable when the numbers are low and when no one is singing their praises. They rejoice when they are invited to speak at conferences and camps and are downcast when it is another who is invited. They go home smiling when someone praises their preaching and are bothered when no one does. 

All these and many other examples reveal the wrong focus in ministry. It is not about us, we are mere instruments in the hands of our maker, and our joy comes from the fact we have made our God known whether people listen or they do not or whether they praise us or they do not. That's not to say there is anything spiritual about failure or that we should glory in it. My point is that we should have John's perspective of life and ministry:

You yourselves bear me witness, that I said, 'I am not the Christ, but I have been sent before him.' The one who has the bride is the bridegroom. The friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly at the bridegroom's voice. Therefore this joy of mine is now complete. He must increase, but I must decrease. John 3:28-30

Consistent Truth in the Midst of Inconsistent Circumstances

The drama of everyday life makes for a script Steven Spielberg would die for. Think about it for a moment. Though we go round in the same cycles daily, none of us can predict the merry go round of emotions that we experience through the spun of a day. Let me illustrate. I went to bed with the knowledge of when power will go and what my “to do” list will be. It was a perfect plan, or so I thought. During the night, the kids decided to have one of those nights where they keep calling for daddy, which meant I barely slept and woke up late. Then we lost power earlier than expected, and I left home late and rushing for a meeting only to find out that I am in the wrong venue. By the time I am arriving at the actual venue, I am perfectly late. 

Next, I am scheduled to pick some documents from a company; we should have got the letters three months ago, but alas. As the day progresses, the Zambian heat is beginning to turn up a notch, and so are my emotions. Then as is often the case in this life, I find myself in the unfortunate position of having to explain and clarify what I said and what I meant by what I said, which is a common feature in relationships this side of eternity. And to crown it all, I get home, and there is still no power and somehow manage to burn the supper to the annoyance of my dear wife. When I finally retire to bed, hoping for a goodnight’s rest, our son has another of those nights!

Frustrated, weary and irritated the next day begins. And the sceptic in me wonders what drama lies ahead of me. The reality is, I do not know and trying to figure that out is an exercise in futility. Life is just too unpredictable, and man is also limited to know and be sure. So with my frustrations and scepticism, I turn to a verse that is fast becoming my life verse.

Unless the LORD builds the house, those who build it labour in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep. Psalm 127:1-2

The Lord is the one constant in this crazy and unpredictable world. When everyone is anxious, and their hearts are full of fretting, only the one who knows God and lives dependent on him will experience the tranquillity of the soul and the peace of mind. The dependent child of God will receive satisfaction from God because it is he who gives the gifts and the ability to enjoy the gifts. He is the ultimate equaliser! Without God in the picture, all labour is an exercise in futility.

Dear Christian, the only way you will be able to joyfully navigate the challenges, uncertainties and frustrations of life is by learning to trust and depend on the only constant- the unchanging and all-satisfying God.

Six practical New Year Resolutions to consider

It’s mid-January! Unbelievably, the year 2020 is well and truly underway. Just like that, a new decade has begun.  Some of us have already drafted our resolutions and are hopefully in the process of implementing them. Resolutions should be simple and practical if they are to be genuinely sustainable. Without burdening you, let me suggest six realistic resolutions you should consider in the context of the local church and for your own spiritual growth. 

1.      Read one book every month.

Pick twelve books that will help you grow in the knowledge of God and His word. If possible, ask someone to be a reading partner for the purpose of accountability. Christianity is the religion of the book and reading is an integral part of growth. If you have not read a book before or you struggle to understand, start slowly and persevere it will come with time. There is no rush and you not in competition. 

2.      Learn one song every month

Here is one you have probably not thought about, but be intentional about learning Christian songs. There are old, and new songs that are out there and they are there to be learnt and sung. Pick doctrinally sound songs and learn them. Get them on your gadget and play them. For the last year as a church, we have learnt one song each month; I have found the experience enriching. 

3.      Host people in your home once a month

I can bet there are people you do not know in your church, and visitors are coming in each week who are total strangers. Dear friend, the only way you will develop meaningful relationships is through intentionality. Invite people for a meal in your home. Nothing complicated, have a simple meal, play fun games, sing songs, talk about the gospel, and pray for one another. It will be awkward when you start, but you will not die. 

4.      Pray for one person every day.

One way you can minister to people is by praying for them. Pray for fellow church members each day. Let them know you are praying for them and ask them how you can pray for them in a specific way. A caution here, that praying for people is a lot of work and greatly enriching. 

5.      Visit fellow church members in their home.

Here is a goal you should have, visit every fellow church member in their home. Get to know and see where they live. What better way is there to know people and to be able to pray for them? Get your membership directory and begin to work your way through it. If possible, take a simple gift with you! 

6.      Talk to someone about the gospel.

It concerns me of the lack of clarity regarding the gospel. It further concerns how little Christians talk about it in their conversations. Learn to talk about the gospel. What it is and what its implications are. Share how you were saved and thank God together for his love and mercy. This will invariably help you talk about the gospel with those who are unbelieving. Remember faith comes by hearing and hearing the word of God (Rom 10:14-17). 

So here are six simple, practical and yet powerfully transforming resolutions for you to consider this year. We should remember to be outward-looking and not inward-looking as we relate and live together in the context of our local churches.

Can you know if you are a Christian?

87% of Zambians are considered Christian[1]. Many Zambians would say they are Christian in their religious beliefs. To add to the spiritual confusion, our beloved country was declared a Christian nation, and it is enshrined into the constitution. Make of that what you may; an essential question that each Christian needs to answer is ‘am I a Christian’. In many ways, that is not a new question. The book of First John was written for this particular reason. That the brethren may know that they are indeed sons of God (1 John 5:13). John gives seven subjective shreds of evidence of salvation. 

1.      Genuine believers walk in the light (1 John 1:6-7). Light refers to both intellectual and moral purity. They do not walk in the dark, sinful philosophy of the world. They are daily pursuing to be like their God, who is light. 

2.      Genuine believers confess their sin (1:8-2:1). A true believer had acknowledged their sin when they convicted by the Spirit of their sins. However, there is also a continuing attitude of confession. To confess means to agree with God about your sin. As a believer, you are daily developing a hatred for sin and running to God for forgiveness. 

3.      Genuine believers keep His commandments (2:3-4; 5:2-3). They diligently are watchful and observant in their obedience. The child of God proactive in studying the word of God to know and obey. 

4.      Genuine believers love the brethren (2:9-11; 3:10, 14-15; 5:2). A sure sign that you are a child of God is that you love God’s people. Anyone who claims to love God and yet hates his brother or sister is according to scripture a liar. 

5.      Genuine believers affirm sound doctrine (2:20-23; 4:2, 6). As the child of strives to keep to word of God, they also become wary of false teaching. They affirm what is true and discern what error is. True believers discern the spirits. 

6.      Genuine believers follow righteousness (2:29; 3:3-4, 6-9). The children of God fight sin and pursue holiness. This does not mean sinlessness or perfection. It means the child of God will not live a life of habitual sin is an immoral, ungodly or unrighteous lifestyle. 

7.      Genuine Believers believe in Jesus Christ (5:1, 5). Anyone who denies Jesus Christ is the Son of God is an anti-Christ. Belief in Jesus Christ as the Son of God is foundational to the Christian faith because Christ is the sure and steady anchor. 

Conclusion 

Christianity is not a mere religion. Those whom God genuinely saves live a transformed life. Works do not save us but those who are genuinely saved bear fruit. True salvation produces works of righteousness. We should develop the habit of daily examining ourselves to see if we are in the Faith.

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[1]               https://joshuaproject.net/countries/ZA