ANNIVERSARY REFLECTIONS

I woke this morning reflecting on the many blessings the Lord has showered upon my Kunda and I as we celebrate another anniversary. I could not help but heed Johnson Oatman’s call to “Count your blessings; name them one by one. Count your blessings; See what God hath done.” And when I started counting and naming the Lord’s blessings, I was overwhelmed with gratitude for His steadfast love that never ceases and His mercies that never come to end. They are new every morning. Each passing year presents plenty of lessons to be gleaned. Let me share a few I have been reflecting on.

Marriage has revealed my self-centeredness

Before getting married I was so convinced of my own selflessness and tolerance that I often gave myself a pat on the back. After getting married, the Lord exposed the selfishness and impatience that ruled my heart. He began to show me that marriage and my wife did not exist to simply please me but for my holiness to the glory of God. And each passing day brought in the realization that the command to love my wife as Christ loved the church was a daunting task, and when I look at my selfishness I simply wonder if anyone is sufficient for this task.

Godliness is essential in marriage

Jay Adams in his book The Christian Home gives three non-negotiable traits he looks for before recommending single people for marriage. He asks first if they are saved, second if they are faithfully serving and growing in their church, lastly if they are able to solve problems biblically. His reasoning for the third is that since problems are inevitable in marriage, a couple that cannot resolve problems biblically is headed for disaster. I think Adams is right, and I could sum up the three points in one word -- godliness!

While there are many things that we need to invest in as a couple, godliness is a priority. At the end of the day, the only way two sinners can live together in peace and love is if they are submitting to God and pursuing Christ. This will be seen in faithfulness to learning the Scriptures in the home (failing terribly right now), praying together and for each other, reading Christian books, and using the home as a platform of ministry. It will also be seen in the faithfulness to church meetings and serving not just as individuals but as a couple as well.

I have married a gem

Kunda and I are polar opposites. She talks and I am quiet (trust me it is true); she loves working in the background (you have no idea, how many things are her ideas or many things are actually done by her) while I am often in front of things; she is super creative and I am definitely lacking in the creative department; she is a rigid detailed planner, while I am a flexible big picture guy (too free spirited if you ask her); she is a cautious decision maker and I am risk taker. These differences can be a point of friction or misunderstanding, but they also make us a perfect team.

In Kunda, I have both my biggest critic and greatest supporter. No matter what I do and where I go, I am assured she is praying for me. She keeps me accountable and often asks me those questions I would rather not answer. She is my fiercest competitor when we are playing games (we currently have a scrabble game waiting to be finished because we dozed off playing) and my best teammate. Though truth be told we prefer being on opposite sidesJ. Most importantly her desire to know and please the Lord in all she does is what I love the most about her. And that is desire has translated to the way she wants our daughter to grow up and the time she invests in training her in knowing God.

Happy Anniversary Kupe!

Can you really marry a Spirit?

One question that does not seem to go away on the radio program I participate in is on spiritual husbands and wives. So today when someone called in to ask whether it’s true you can be married to a spiritual husband/wife, I decided to do a bit of reading on the teaching. This was because while I have head the teaching and I have been asked questions about it I always brushed it off as ridiculous and another consequence of African Traditional Religion in the church. However, it has now become clear that this is a very popular teaching among many Christians, particularly in the charismatic/Pentecostal movement. So what is the gist of this teaching and what is ridiculous and disturbing about it?

The teaching about Spiritual Husbands

The best and fair way to understand and represent a teaching is to let the people who believe in the teaching present and explain what they teach.

Erica Joseph is widely quoted by many proponents of this teaching as does Dr. Itiola in an extract from his book saying “Sexual experiences with demonic spirits are very real even in this day and age. I have personally taken both men and women through deliverance, that have experienced this and some became bound by the spirits of Incubus and Succubus. I have personally taken both men and women through deliverance, where the witch or warlock has actually, through the use of astral travel, seduced them, having sexual relations with them as they slept, with them thinking it was only a dream. This having been done through the utilization of "Familiar" spirits.” The said demons even have names! They are called Incubus and succubus. [1]  

On another site the author eloquently exhorts the readers to be weary and alert about these spirits.

“Are you experiencing difficulty in your life, marriage, or relationship? Has God revealed to you the root cause of your problems? Do you see or have you seen snake(s) in you dream?  Have you seen yourself swimming in the river or dreamed about sleeping with someone? Do you eat in your dreams? Do you have sex in your dreams?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, your problem is most likely rooted in spiritual husbands or wives also referred to as marine spirits. These spirits are the most destructive, very wicked and hate union, marriages, progress with perfect hatred.”[2]

Furthermore, we are told by Sam Udoubak in an article titled “What to know about spiritual husbands and wives” gives us the signs of spiritual husbands and wives and states things like “sexual relationships in dreams, hatred of marriage, being jilted by serious partners, missing one’s menstrual period in the dream, pregnancy in the dream, breast-feeding a baby in the dream, having a family in the dream, shopping with a man/ woman in the dream, seeing a man sleeping by one’s side in the dream, sudden Hatred by earthly spouse, serious gynecological problems, having a miscarriage after sexual dreams, dream marriages, constant wet dreams, late marriage or no marriage at all”[3]

What is their biblical basis?

As far as my research went, I only came across one verse in the articles I read that was used to argue for the biblical basis of spiritual spouses namely Matthew 13:25 which says

“…but while his men were sleeping, his enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat and went away.” It is important to note that Matthew 13:25 is a verse in the middle of the parable of the wheat and the tares which when read in its full context will say:

“He put another parable before them, saying, “The kingdom of heaven may be compared to a man who sowed good seed in his field, but while his men were sleeping, his enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat and went away. So when the plants came up and bore grain, then the weeds appeared also. And the servants of the master of the house came and said to him, ‘Master, did you not sow good seed in your field? How then does it have weeds?’ He said to them, ‘An enemy has done this.’ So the servants said to him, ‘Then do you want us to go and gather them?’ But he said, ‘No, lest in gathering the weeds you root up the wheat along with them. Let both grow together until the harvest, and at harvest time I will tell the reapers, Gather the weeds first and bind them in bundles to be burned, but gather the wheat into my barn” Matthew 13:24-30

Now at face value we can at least agree that this passage is at least talking about the kingdom of heaven since verse 24 clearly tells us “he put another parable before them, saying, “The kingdom of heaven may be compared….” and that it is talking about some form of punishment and reward for those who do evil and good respectively. Another thing worth noting is that you need some serious creative ability and mental gymnastics to notice spiritual husbands and wives from verse 25.

What is disturbing about this teaching?

What has become very clear to me is that this teaching is based on African Traditional Religion (ATR). This is so because ATR strongly believes everything that happens in the physical is the work of spirits (good or bad). Therefore if you have a dream it is not just a mere dream, there is meaning to it. If you are barren, single, miscarriage or whatever difficult to a mind raised in ATR it is the spirits. For example if you have a dream where your grandfather is telling you something, you take whatever he said to mean his spirit was passing you an important message. In the event that evil spirits are attacking you, the solution is to go see some form of medium who will intercede on your behalf to deal with the spirits.

This is the teaching that has now come in the church where everything is blamed on all kinds of spirits and demons. It is no wonder that this teaching has caught fire because it is our playground as Africans. In this instance the medium is not the witchdoctor but the man of God who will deliver you from the spirits.  

The other problem with this teaching is that it rejects that authority of scripture. Instead of letting scripture be the rule of faith and practice it has instead elevated the experiences of people. So what you find in most writings is one verse with a lot of testimonies of people who have been “delivered” from such spirits and nothing of the bible says. And when they actually quote a verse it the most scandalous abuse of a passage taking place.

Furthermore, some of the symptoms for knowing if you have spiritual husbands/wives are actually sins the bible addresses and by blaming them on the spirits, you are actually refusing to take responsibility of your sins. If a couple is constantly fighting for instance it because of sin in their hearts and not because of some spirit under the sea. While some of the symptoms are natural issues that are really beyond you and are in God’s hands. I.e. having children, miscarriage and singleness etc.  

The teaching of spiritual husbands is biblically unfounded, logically inconsistent and totally disturbing. It is the fabrication of deceptive false teachers who are workers of the devil and we need to heed the warning of Paul to the Colossians when he says;

“See to it that no one takes you captive by philosophy and empty deceit, according to human tradition, according to the elemental spirits of the world, and not according to Christ. For in him the whole fullness of deity dwells bodily, and you have been filled in him, who is the head of all rule and authority.” Colossians 2:8-10

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[1] http://www.deliveranceplace.com/stronghold.html

[2] http://www.thankgodforjesus.org/deliverance-scriptures-spiritual-spouses-husbandwive-marine-spirits/

[3] https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/what-know-spiritual-husbands-wives-sam-udoubak

Singles and Relationship things

For many single young people relationships are a BIG deal. The guys are eyeing the girls and trying to figure out how to approach them with the skill and smoothness of a James Bond or the charm and allure of Denzel Washington (FYI- movies stars make terrible role models). Meanwhile the ladies are busy trying to present themselves as available and stunningly attractive to the eligible suitors. I hear ladies are “slay queens” which if I am correct means they are so beautiful and attractive their looks will kill you! The end game of course is for the most handsome, smooth, charming, and coolest guy to sweep the most attractive “slay queen” off her feet, and they live happily ever after. All that makes for a good chick flick so far and therein lies the problem. This “game” makes for a good fictional movie and nothing more, and it is dangerous when lived out in reality.  It has created huge relationship problems and invariably affects marriage relationships. What’s wrong with the current nature of our relationships?

It encourages fictional lives

We in our pride develop fantasies about the world, our lives and how relationships should work. The problem is fantasies are exactly that, fantasies. They are often based on fictional movies, soap operas and chick flicks which are based on imaginary characters and story lines. If not from the movies, it’s from the discussions with their single friends. Talk about the blind leading the blind. As a result the relationships formed are often pretentious. Differences are either not acknowledged or ignored. The struggles and weakness of individuals are not addressed. When the couple sets goals for the future, they are simply building castles in the air. If there is one thing single people can do for their own good is live in the real world when it comes to relationships. This is life not the movies.

It makes single people act like they are married

One way this fantasy lifestyle comes out is the way single people act married. For the sake of clarity—you are single until you are legally declared husband and wife. Therefore, those who are dating and/or courting are by definition single people! However, it is often common to see single people isolating themselves and spending way too much time the two of them rather than building their friendship around people and seeking accountability and counsel from those who have gone before. Invariably this behavior often leads to sexual temptation and sin. Single people in relationships assume so much control over each other because of acting like they are married such that they even encourage each other to disobey and disregard their parent’s authority (i.e. in their desire to meet up, they break curfew or in worst cases sneak out of homes and “runaway” for weekends or holidays). As a result, a lot of single people who may be growing in their Christian faith suddenly stop growing and begin to indulge in all kinds of sin once they get in a relationship because of acting like they are married.

It often ends badly  

Because these relationships start on the wrong and unbiblical footing and often have wrong motives, the break ups tend to be messy. Here you are thinking your dreams have come true and you have finally found the person you cannot live without (despite the fact that you lived all these years without them) and all your fantasies are finally being fulfilled and you commit all your time, energy, emotions and monies to this person because in your mind you are practically married, then it suddenly ends. Not only is the relationship broken but also the friendship. So people who are supposed to show Christian love and care can no longer stand each other. It is at this point that most people then seek counsel and guidance, but unfortunately the damage has already been done by that time.

I end with Paul’s counsel to young Timothy on how to relate with different age groups in the Church.

Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity. (1 Timothy 5:1-2)

Lessons from the life and ministry of Spurgeon

I recently read two biographies on the great British preacher and pastor of the nineteenth century, Charles Haddon Spurgeon. One book was a traditional biography by Arnold Dallimore titled "Spurgeon" and the other is titled the "Forgotten Spurgeon" by Iain Murray where he seeks to explain the man by the theological controversies and ministerial challenges he faced throughout his ministry. Having read the two books coupled with the lessons he taught ministers in training, here are some lessons we can glean from the man and his ministry

It is essential that you keep growing

Spurgeon understood the need for a preacher to keep growing. In speaking to the students in the ministerial college, he urged them on the necessity of ministerial progress for a preacher. He highlights four areas where growth is needed. “It is desirable that the Lord’s ministers should be the picked men of the church, yea of the entire universe, for such the age demands; therefore, in reference to yourselves and your personal qualifications, I give you the motto, “Go forward.” Go forward in personal attainments, forward in gifts and in grace, forward in fitness for the work, and forward in conformity to the image of Jesus.”[1]

Preaching should be central to a pastor and the church

From a tender age of 17, Spurgeon was a preacher and preaching was central to his ministry. Though he was a man who wore many hats, preaching was by far his main priority and invariably become central to the life of the church. And his preaching proclaimed Christ and him crucified. And he himself claimed:  

“The motto of all true servants of God must be, ‘We preach Christ; and him crucified.’ A sermon without Christ in it is like a loaf of bread without any flour in it. No Christ in your sermon, sir? Then go home, and never preach again until you have something worth preaching.” [7/9/1876; sermon #2899]

Ministers should be men of action

He exhorts ministers by saying, “I have to say to you, go forward in actual work, for, after all, we shall be known by what we have done. We ought to be mighty in deed as well as word. There are good brethren in the world who are impractical. The grand doctrine of the Second Advent makes them stand with open mouths, peering into the skies, so that I am ready to say, “Ye men of Plymouth, why stand ye here gazing up into heaven?” The fact that Jesus Christ is to come is not a reason for star-gazing, but for working in the power of the Holy Ghost” He then concludes the charge by exhorting the men “Brethren, do something; do something; do something. While committees waste their time over resolutions, do something. While Societies and Unions are making constitutions, let us win souls. Too often we discuss, and discuss, and discuss, and Satan laughs in his sleeve. It is time we had done planning and sought something to plan. I pray you: be men of action all of you. Get to work and quit yourselves like men. Old Suvarov’s idea of war is mine: “Forward and strike! No theory! Attack! Form column: Charge bayonets! Plunge into the center of the enemy.” Our one aim is to save sinners, and this we are not to talk about, but to do in the power of God.”[2]   

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[1] C.H. Spurgeon. Lectures to my Students. Pg 235

[2] Ibid. Pg 248

When things get tough.....?

There are many times in our Christian life, when the facts of our faith (our theology) and the reality or experience of life, do not seem to match. There many times when what you believe and what is happening do not seem to match up. What do you do? We can either question God, put Him on trial demanding answers or we can be driven to despair trying to figure out or explain why things are the way they are? David often found himself in situations that he could not explain and challenged his view of God. In one such incident he pens his response in Psalm 131 and gives us what the believer’s response in such times should.  

O LORD, my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not raised too high; I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me. But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me. O Israel, hope in the LORD from this time forth and forevermore. Psalm 131

Do not be proud or arrogant

Pride is when sinful man seeks to take up the status and position of God and refuses to acknowledge their dependence on Him. This is about worship. Instead of worshiping God we worship of self. Self-worship is the greatest disturber of the soul’s peace and sweet communion with Christ, the most hidden, secret and deceitful of all lusts.

Pride manifests itself in; self-importance, self-righteousness, self-promotion, self- contentedness, self- reliance, self-pity, self-attention, self-assurance, self-absorbed, self-preoccupied, self-opinionated, self-obsessed, self-governing, self-seeking, self-satisfied, self-willed, self-confidence, self-esteem, self-infatuated, self-interested, self-directing, self- indulgent, self-flattering, self-reliant etc. Trust in the Lord at such times. 

Know your place

David says I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me. David quickly realized that he was not in control of the world and the happenings in his life. David knew his place! The desire to be in charge and in control of life results in all kinds of frustrations. The old prayer is spot on when the author says “OH Lord give me the courage to change the things that I can change and the peace to accept serenely the things I cannot change and the wisdom to tell the difference.”

Trust in the lord

David desires to be a like a weaned. A weaned child is after the presence of the mother and to foster a relationship with her unlike a nursing child who simply desires and cries for milk. Even though things do not make sense and even painful, David rests in the Lord and his hope is in him and him along. Even though we do not understand the ways of God, we can fully trust in Him because we can be confident in who He is.

“I am not conceited, LORD, and I don't waste my time on impossible schemes.   But I have learned to feel safe and satisfied, just like a young child on its mother's lap. People of Israel, you must trust the LORD now and forever.” Contemporary English Version