When Church's Don't disciple

As the year draws to a close, we have begun analysing our spiritual temperature as a church. We think through our meetings, members, ministries and missions of the church. There reason to rejoice and thank God and there is a reason to be concerned, repent and revisit. One area that we have spent time thinking through over the years is that of intentional and meaningful discipleship. Believers should be people, people. A biblical congregation will be characterised by ongoing discipleship relationships. Where members help and encourage each other to grow in the likeness of Jesus Christ. Whenever a church is not committed to building healthy discipleship relationships they:

Become Program oriented

Programs are necessary for the church; after all, we are commanded to “not forsake the assembling of the believers” (Heb. 10:24-25).  However, programs are a means to an end and not an end in themselves. If all we do is planning, organising and attending programs and zoom off to our sheltered individualistic worlds till we meet again then we have seriously missed the whole point. Programs are easy, convenient and safe. You can meet together and not share life, not be inconvenienced by the sins and needs of others. Nor are you going to experience the pain of rebuke and confrontation in only meeting for a program. Relationships, on the other hand, are work, they can be tasking on your person, and they can be painful and costly. But they are also encouraging and spur you to love and good works. One often results in fast and superficial growth, while the other results are steady and meaningful growth

Reduce evangelism to advertising

As a result of been program-oriented, churches that are not committed to discipleship often mistake advertising their programs to evangelising the lost. Now it is true we want to invite people to meetings where they will hear the gospel. However, the invitations are simply the first step. We have to follow up with the gospel proclamation. We have to initiate a relationship with a definite go of having gospel conversations with the individual. We should be glad when people respond to our invitations, but we should pray for more than just attendance. It is the salvation of souls we are after.

Have numbers without depth

Superficial growth is no growth at all. It is like genetically modified food; it is so desperate for quick tangible success that it circumvents that natural order of things. The result is growth but weak growth. Program oriented, skilful marketing churches will invariably have numbers without depth. People will flock, but there will be no salvation and no spiritual growth. Leaders of such churches do not stay long, because eventually, their strategies wear everyone out including themselves!

Look For leaders outside the church

In a church where members are helping each other grow, you will often find maturing believers. They will be using their spiritual gifts to serve the body, and they will be doing the work of ministry. As members grow, leaders, i.e. elders will arise from among the members. A church that only has a superficial growth will struggle to find biblically qualified men to lead. Hence, they will continually be looking for leaders from outside. And what often happens in such congregations is that they settle for men who are not qualified to fill the positions

Don’t engage in church planting

Consequently, churches that are program-oriented, who do not evangelise, and have a superficial growth and do not raise leaders will not be committed to church planting and sending out men. They are so inward-looking that they do not see that the harvest is plentiful all around them.

In the Lord’s design, we should be committed to helping each other grow in grace and churches that are committed to discipling one another will have meaningful growth, live out the implications of the gospel and proclaim it to all.

Reflecting on the divorce rates in Zambia

Every year the newspapers publish divorce records for the various provinces, and the numbers are alarming. Marriages are breaking, and I would not be surprised if there are many more that are hanging on to their marriage simply because of the shame and humiliation of going through a divorce but if they had their way they would have bolted years ago. I am sure there may be plenty of reasons but let me offer six.

Planning for the wedding & not the marriage

Weddings have become more lavish and commercial with each passing year. The amount of effort, time and money devoted to the event as compared to the effort committed to investing in living together as husband and wife speak volumes. It has become so bad that one primary indicator for the readiness of marriage is your ability to finance a wedding!

If only people realised that a wedding is for a day and marriage is for a lifetime. If single couples invested more time, energy and money in building their spirituality and understanding God’s purpose for the marriage if only they took extra care to understand and prepare themselves for their roles, marriages would thrive. Alas, all that is merely a distant dream as people are so preoccupied with throwing the biggest, craziest and loudest party ever and when the party is over, they are looking for the exit door because all they planned for was the wedding and not their marriage. So when they wake up the next day the couple has no clue what to do with each other.

The wrong emphasis on traditional counselling

Our traditional counselling on marriage has some general ethical principles such as respect, care, hygiene, faithfulness, providing and intimacy. However, for the biblically informed Christian, the teachings pause several challenges. One of the challenges it causes is that it has a wrong emphasis, the learning is done through symbols, and the problem is the symbol is emphasised more than the principle. I.e. a lady will be taught to respect her husband, but the stress will be on the symbols of respect such kneeing, calling your husband “Ba” etc. this encourages conformity without joyful transformation.

Wrong purpose of marriage

It is scary to hear the reasons people want to get married. Most feel I have reached an age for marrying, so I want to get married. Most men get married because they need someone to cook, sweep and wash for them. And of course, marriage gives you the license to have sex. These views of marriage are primarily self-centred and self-serving. So when you have people entering into marriage motivated by what they will get out of it they are bound not last in it. Going into marriage to use your spouse is signing yourself up for utter misery.

Inside the marriage with eyes on the exit door

Some people enter marriage with leg out and an eye on the exit door. It’s like they are just trying things out, and if anything goes wrong they are ready to hit the exit door. Hence your language of “I am leaving” or “you leave”, “you think I cannot leave without you”. Marriage is a solemn covenant that should not be entered in lightly. A marriage can never thrive when people have an eye on the door.

Unbiblical conflict resolutions

Regardless of how much you love each other, the conflict will be part of marriage. Two sinners coming together are guaranteed to sin against each other. The issue is how they handle the dispute. Sadly, most marriages are characterised by unbiblical conflict resolution. Some people go silent, others blow up, yet others negotiate or play tit for tat. However, the couple that thrives and grows is one that confronts, confesses, forgives and forsakes sin. Couples who are proud and never acknowledge sin and ask for forgiveness or who harbour bitterness and refuse to offer forgiveness are bound to break the marriage.

An abandonment of biblical values

Lives not walking in the ways of Christ, make marriages built on sinking sand and families whose foundations cannot stand. Many couples are Christian by name, but their Christianity does not translate into a lifestyle. These are couples who appear holy at church and yet are wicked at home. The biblical purpose of marriage, the biblical roles in marriage and the biblical oneness in marriage are all abandoned.

Whenever men try to reinvent and abandon God’s design and purposes, the result is catastrophic. Marriage and the home have been under attack since Genesis 3 and Christians must strive to be light in their marriages by living God’s way.